Today, I am 36 weeks pregnant. According to 'them' that means I have two weeks before I she could 'come any minute'. I have been working on my mental response to this. I have gotten comfortable with being pregnant. I know how to walk, when to sit down and rest, how to detect sneaky hormones...I got this and could do this for quite a while. I'm not even all that worried about labor and delivery. That is my body doing what it is supposed to do and Sophiah's body doing what it is supposed to do. Not much control in those areas. All the 'what ifs' start once we get home. How will I know this and that? How will Max and I do with her and with each other? Will we be similar enough in what we want for her?
I have had a rough time with some key people not participating in this journey with me. For some reason, some of the friends and family closest to me have disappeared over the last 6 months. I was hurt and saddened by this and really had to work through the feelings. What I realized is that it allowed Max and me to get closer in a short amount of time. I needed to learn to rely on and lean on him because I will need to do that throughout stages of labor. I needed to learn to trust him, deeply, and him me. These lessons were learned because they had to be because I had no one else to talk to at times. He was the only one who ever heard a complaint or pain I was experiencing. When I felt myself getting scared, I talked to him instead of a girlfriend. When I doubted, I talked to him. When I needed a massage, I went to him. We have grown and bonded on such deep levels that I am kind of grateful that those people left my life when they did. It makes me re-assess those friendships, but, nonetheless, I am grateful. I am so in love with him and we are so in love with this little girl. And for now, that is all that matters. We have love, we have each other, we have a few blankets and diapers and onsies...that's all that matters.
