July 10, seven days after my last entry, I received a text message from an old friend. It read "Just checking on you. Hope all is well. I promise to visit soon. Have a wonderful day. Max" My response was "I'm sorry to ask... Max who?" At the time I had been talking to hundreds of people online and in person. I didn't recall a Max, but I could't remember. I was at my college reunion when the text came in. I said to my friend Emily, "I'm not sure who this is, but if it is who I think it is, this should be good!" He replied, Maxwell Nkansah, I know it's been a while and hope you will not say that you forgot who I am lol" I was so excited to hear from one of my favorite people in the world! My fingers moved quickly as I texted back "I thought so!!! I call you Maxwell... So it threw me off :) How are you? I'm not on campus this summer but would love to catch up. Let me know what you think." At this point, I wasn't sure of his relationship situation and he was unsure about mine. Flash back one year. I was teaching and Maxwell showed up at my office to walk me to class. I was always excited to see him because I really enjoyed talking to him and we had maintained a friendship of sorts throughout the years. That summer, He hinted that there were troubles at home. Secretly, I was excited to hear this because I knew he had not been treated well for as long as I had known him. I used that time to tell him that I had ended my six year relationship and was now dating. Here is where things got lost in translation. I said I was online dating and explained the joys and sorrows of that process. He took that to mean that I was DATING! I guess in Ghana, when someone says they are dating, that means, well, they are dating one person. I meant, I was going on lots of dates with lots of people - nothing serious. This clarification was not made until a year after the conversation took place. So, after, I suggested we catch up, he responded, "That will be good. I am flexible, let me know when it's convenient for you." I suggested coffee or lunch. My first suggestion was to meet the following Thursday (we connected on a Saturday). By the end of the conversation, I was suggesting that we meet the next day, Sunday. I was excited to see him and curious to know if he was available and if he was interested. When he informed me that he lived on his own, I was giddy with glee. My butterflies started to awaken. The conversation ended with him saying, "I really look forward to seeing you." and I admitted, "I am really looking forward to seeing you as well maxwell! Goodnight."
The next day we texted a bit and both looked forward to meeting for lunch the following morning. I was hopeful, after reading his texts and talking with him for a bit, that he was interested in more than rekindling a friendship. I wore a jean mini skirt and an off -the-shoulder top -revealing my tattoo. I checked with Penny and she assured me that it was the perfect outfit for a first date. I arrived at Ichiban Sushi restaurant a little early and texted to inform him I was inside. I was so excited to see him, one of my favorite people in the world. I have always had such respect for Maxwell. He was always kind, considerate,and helpful to me. He was private, so I never knew much about his personal life, but what I saw of the man, I admired. The host seated me in one of those rooms with a booth on both sides, a curtain hanging to add mystery. When he walked in, I literally leaped from my seat and moved to meet him with a hug. When we hugged, the electricity pulsed between us. I knew then and there that something beyond friendship was an acute possibility. We sat, ate, and talked. I really don't remember much of our discussion. It was mostly small talk, I guess. I remember he kept sitting on his hands and commenting on how he never sits on his hands. I was metering the energy and trying to read if he was reading me. We met at 11:30. At 3:30, the manager informed us that they had closed at 3:00. Right before the manager's interruption, we had begun a deep discussion about the status of our relationships. I informed him that I was single, totally single, not seeing anyone and no one was seeing me. He shared his situation and my heart skipped a beat. My first thought was, "If this man is single, I am going to let him know how I feel. He is a man who enjoys relationships and likes to be married. If I let this go, someone else will end up with this magnificent man." Due to my discussions with him in the past and things I've learned from other international students, I knew that he would never make the first move due to the role of authority I once played in his life. So, I mustered up the courage and blurted out "I have always admired you and I would be honored to date you if that was something you were interested in." He stammered a tentative, "REALLY? WOW... WELL, OK... really, hmm..." And then enter the manager. DAMN, bad timing man! He payed for lunch and we proceeded to our cars. I suggested we go to a park and walk around for a bit. He knew of one in walking distance. So we walked, and talked, and laughed, and grinned. We discovered so many similarities from both living in the same apartment complex to attending the same schools a few years apart. Our spirits were in sync. We were open and honest. I asked questions about his home and traditions. His voice was like melted milk chocolate. We settled down on a bench and watched the wild life for a while. Sometimes we chatted, other times were silent. We watched the geese, the swans, and the fish were jumping. We listened to the crickets and laughed at the chipmunks. We greeted the joggers and walkers. And we sat, together, letting our energies exchange and create a beautiful warm feeling of love. When the mosquitoes came out for dinner, we knew it was time to end this magical date. We walked, hand in hand, to the parking lot, hugged goodnight, and proceeded to drive our separate ways. The time was 10:30pm. The date lasted for eleven hours! It was the beginning of a beautiful thing indeed.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Saturday, July 3, 2010
He didn't call me baby
There are very few things as sweet as hearing your name fall from the lips of someone you love. No two people say it the same way. And some people use variations on my name. For example, I have been called Jenn, Jen, Jennifer, Joy, JJ, Jeff, Tripple, and Miss Jackson. I have recently become annoyed at people who use terms of endearment before they have used some form of my name. Sweetheart, Honey, Darling are names that are used when the feeling you are feeling is so much stronger than that persons name can hold. Who takes someone seriously when they call you Hun before they even know your last name. I am just now realizing how much this offends me. In my opinion, it is extremely lazy. Call me, let me hear my name on your sweet tongue. When I hear 'Baby" I cringe. When I hear "Jennifer" I melt.
Friday, July 2, 2010
The first kiss
Numb... I am sitting here hardly typing because my body from my lips to my hips is numb. We had a wonderful dinner followed by stimulating conversation. He is really funny. Not just the courteous laughter type of funny, but my tummy hurts from laughing at him funny. And, get this, he thinks I'm funny too. He said my eyes went right through him, down to his spleen. I know that doesn't sound romantic, but believe me, when the dimpled, smiling, smelling good, beautiful man says it, it's the sweetest thing I've ever heard. He liked my cooking! He complimented me deeply. Commented on my personality and my spirit. When I rubbed his hand, he interpreted my actions. "What you're doing is extending your energy to see if it matches up with mine. And it does, I can feel it." And I could too. I felt it in my gut - butterflies doing the neutron dance! The hours passed like seconds as we were serenaded by the best: Luther, Al Green, John Legend, Leela James. We chatted about this and that. We disclosed information about ourselves to each other. And then we were there, at that moment. We were at the moment when you decide what to do. Do we sit and stare at each other? Do we shake hands and move toward the door? Do we give into our gazes and go for a kiss? I assured him that my lips were luscious and invited him to see for himself... and he did. What is it about kissing that draws your eyelids closed. I wish I had been watching the beautiful man from the moment he leaned in until he pulled back. But I didn't. Eyes closed, we kissed. And it was good! Soft, masculine, light on the tongue, even, marvelous. It was time for him to leave. We stood and embraced (I am still drunk off his scent rising from my body), we kissed again, just a peck on the lips then exploding with passion. He waddled his way to the door and I stood stunned and wondered, What the hell was that?! That was the best first kiss I have ever experienced. He likes me and wants to spend time with me! We are compatible on many levels. Have we found a match? For now, I simply revel in the scent, the light headedness, the replay of that first kiss.
KISS ME!
KISS ME KISS ME kiss me kiss me... The demand and plea wrapped together raced and stacked in my mind sounding like the skipping sound of a record player. I know he was talking and saying something, important or not, I have no clue. Kiss me kiss ME! My brain wanted to will him closer to me, just a little closer and I would show him what I wanted, no needed, for him to do. Talking, talking, chatter, blather, what a waist of energy for those lips to be going on and on and on. Lips that are supple and masculine, juicy and inviting, alluring and perfect for kissing are destined to be kissing me. SHUT UP AND KISS ME YOU FOOL! It was at this moment in my mental pondering and pleading that he pulled me out of my meaningless banter with the most passionate, hot, sexy smooch on my lips. Ahhhh, that's just what I was thinking!
This was a writing exercise I did after being challenged by Kir's Wrinkled Page Blog! Most of it happened just yesterday. All of it is true except for the best part... he never kissed me. Here's the story: The commercials came rushing in on every channel like the tide. The gorgeous couples, smiling, smiling, laughing, giggling, gently touching and exclaiming to the camera "I had nearly given up on love. Eharmony allowed me to find something deeper... to find my soul mate. I've never been happier in my life." I want that! I want to be happy and be touching someone on camera! So I signed up - again. It's been over a year that I've been off that particular site. I reviewed all of my profile settings and the thousands of questions they ask in order to match your compatibility to that of my future husband. I looked five minutes later. No messages. I looked that evening. Nothing. OK, it takes time to find someone special enough for Jennifer Jackson, I realize that! I checked the next day. Nothing! Hmph! So I waited until the end of the week, then the next week, then the next week. Hold on a minute! You can't find one person for me? Why the hell am I paying you people! I can get this on my own for free! I wrote the people at Eharmony demanding a refund. They sent me something about people who found love after nearly giving up! So I waited another week, and another. This is ridiculous! Meanwhile, the email messages poured in from Match.com. You know, the one who has the most successful couples and marriages of any online dating site. I started added up the money I have spent on finding someone to spend time with. $39.00 Eharmony, 2009, $60 2009 Black People Meet.com, $0 Plenty of Fish, $45 Eharmony, 2010, hell, what's another thirty bucks?! I went onto Match and subscribed for the one month $35 package... $24 with a coupon! That day I searched and found a smiling, dimpled, beautiful man. I sent him a message and received one back. We went on like this for about an hour before exchanging numbers. We talked and laughed and shared information like the people on the commercials do. The next morning, he asked me to lunch. This is where the above paragraph comes in. He was more handsome in person than he was in his pictures. When he walked in the restaurant, I wanted to club him over the head and drag him home to be with me forever. I settled on hugging him instead. Bright brown eyes, freshly shaved head, trimmed goatee, smelled good. I'll take him! As we made small talk, I watched his mouth move. Phrasing big words and turning up in the broadest smile I've ever seen. I know he repeated things two or three times and I am still clueless as to the subject matter. All I know is I wanted to reach across the table and kiss him square on the lips. I resisted - this time!
This was a writing exercise I did after being challenged by Kir's Wrinkled Page Blog! Most of it happened just yesterday. All of it is true except for the best part... he never kissed me. Here's the story: The commercials came rushing in on every channel like the tide. The gorgeous couples, smiling, smiling, laughing, giggling, gently touching and exclaiming to the camera "I had nearly given up on love. Eharmony allowed me to find something deeper... to find my soul mate. I've never been happier in my life." I want that! I want to be happy and be touching someone on camera! So I signed up - again. It's been over a year that I've been off that particular site. I reviewed all of my profile settings and the thousands of questions they ask in order to match your compatibility to that of my future husband. I looked five minutes later. No messages. I looked that evening. Nothing. OK, it takes time to find someone special enough for Jennifer Jackson, I realize that! I checked the next day. Nothing! Hmph! So I waited until the end of the week, then the next week, then the next week. Hold on a minute! You can't find one person for me? Why the hell am I paying you people! I can get this on my own for free! I wrote the people at Eharmony demanding a refund. They sent me something about people who found love after nearly giving up! So I waited another week, and another. This is ridiculous! Meanwhile, the email messages poured in from Match.com. You know, the one who has the most successful couples and marriages of any online dating site. I started added up the money I have spent on finding someone to spend time with. $39.00 Eharmony, 2009, $60 2009 Black People Meet.com, $0 Plenty of Fish, $45 Eharmony, 2010, hell, what's another thirty bucks?! I went onto Match and subscribed for the one month $35 package... $24 with a coupon! That day I searched and found a smiling, dimpled, beautiful man. I sent him a message and received one back. We went on like this for about an hour before exchanging numbers. We talked and laughed and shared information like the people on the commercials do. The next morning, he asked me to lunch. This is where the above paragraph comes in. He was more handsome in person than he was in his pictures. When he walked in the restaurant, I wanted to club him over the head and drag him home to be with me forever. I settled on hugging him instead. Bright brown eyes, freshly shaved head, trimmed goatee, smelled good. I'll take him! As we made small talk, I watched his mouth move. Phrasing big words and turning up in the broadest smile I've ever seen. I know he repeated things two or three times and I am still clueless as to the subject matter. All I know is I wanted to reach across the table and kiss him square on the lips. I resisted - this time!
Saturday, June 5, 2010
A week in review
May 21
I am aware that some of this information will sound redundant. It isn't because I have written so much that I have forgotten the theme of my past stories. It's more so because the same shit keeps happening. So.... let's take a look at this weeks line up.
Scenario #1- Last week I was supposed to meet up with someone whom I met at work. It was supposed to be a casual thing. I needed dinner. He needed dinner. So why not have dinner together. I knew it would be a little later than I wanted to eat, but I also knew this person was interested in me. So, I thought, I would give dinner a chance. A few hours after we discussed meeting up, I received a text from him saying that he was packing to move and would not be able to do dinner. Ok, I can understand that. We texted a little throughout the week and one day he told me he was going out for drinks to a local bar and wanted to me to join him. It ended up being that he and some people from work were going out, but that was even better. So we talked throughout the day about where and what time. I'm thinking 8ish. At 8:30 I hadn't heard anything so I called. "Hey, what's the plan for tonight?" He said he was watching a movie from 1994 and wanted to see the whole thing. So could we meet at 10? I actually said "You are choosing to watch a movie over spending time with me? Too bad Blockbuster doesn't have this movie... oh wait, it does!" I was looking forward to this less and less. At 9:30 I started getting ready. At 10:00 - nothing, no call, no text. At 10:15, I looked at my half made-up face and said - FUCK THIS! I texted him, "count me out for tonight." His response was, "Aww did it get too late? Go on to bed old lady. Let's plan something earlier for tomorrow. It will be a date." Ok, that sounded like a plan. So,the next day, I texted, 'what are your thoughts on today?" I didn't get a response. Later in the afternoon, I received this: "I know this is lame, but I told my friends I would help them plant a garden and then stay over tonight. I will have to cancel." I responded, "I get the feeling you don't really want to hang out with me and that's fine. Have fun." I will not make plans with him again!
Scenario #2 - For over a year now I have been in contact with Steve. We hit it off from the start! Laughing, talking, covering all the bases. Last summer, we decided to meet up. Before he came, he started sounding desperate and needy. Plus by that time, I had met two other guys whom I found so f-ing hot that this guy looked like a teddy bear, friend potential. When he tried to befriend me on facebook and yahoo, it felt like too much, so I called off the visit. We chatted a few times after that. Once I felt bad for how I was toward him and sent a hello. I was talking to someone at the time and he was pretty upset about that. A few weeks ago he found me again. Sent me a message and requested friendship on facebook. I gave in. We talked a few times and texted greetings here and there. After reconnecting, we decided we should meet - it has been a year after all! He did not want me driving a long distance and said he would come closer to where I live. We would meet in Ann Arbor. A few days before we were to connect, he stopped texting, didn't answer my phone calls, and was very short when we chatted online. The day before, I texted him to confirm. He said he'd let me know when he was on his way because he'd be leaving a doctor's office. The morning of, I received a text that said, "I didn't sleep well last night and I don't think I should sleep and drive at the same time, I have to cancel" That is what I call BULLSHIT and so I deleted him from my life, and have not heard a thing from him. What the hell is that all about?! I don't get it.
Flash forward to four days later to scenario #3. I was supposed to get a visit from Michael. It's been a few months since last we saw each other. I warned him, "Let me know if things change because I've been cancelled on way too much this week." He assured me that he was coming. The afternoon of, he texted me that it was a 50/50 chance and he would call when he could. I have not heard from him since.
What a crappy week that was! What is the deal? At least I get to see that the best foot forward is not worthy of my time....do the hokey pokey and turn yourself about dude! They have all been deleted from my life.
I am aware that some of this information will sound redundant. It isn't because I have written so much that I have forgotten the theme of my past stories. It's more so because the same shit keeps happening. So.... let's take a look at this weeks line up.
Scenario #1- Last week I was supposed to meet up with someone whom I met at work. It was supposed to be a casual thing. I needed dinner. He needed dinner. So why not have dinner together. I knew it would be a little later than I wanted to eat, but I also knew this person was interested in me. So, I thought, I would give dinner a chance. A few hours after we discussed meeting up, I received a text from him saying that he was packing to move and would not be able to do dinner. Ok, I can understand that. We texted a little throughout the week and one day he told me he was going out for drinks to a local bar and wanted to me to join him. It ended up being that he and some people from work were going out, but that was even better. So we talked throughout the day about where and what time. I'm thinking 8ish. At 8:30 I hadn't heard anything so I called. "Hey, what's the plan for tonight?" He said he was watching a movie from 1994 and wanted to see the whole thing. So could we meet at 10? I actually said "You are choosing to watch a movie over spending time with me? Too bad Blockbuster doesn't have this movie... oh wait, it does!" I was looking forward to this less and less. At 9:30 I started getting ready. At 10:00 - nothing, no call, no text. At 10:15, I looked at my half made-up face and said - FUCK THIS! I texted him, "count me out for tonight." His response was, "Aww did it get too late? Go on to bed old lady. Let's plan something earlier for tomorrow. It will be a date." Ok, that sounded like a plan. So,the next day, I texted, 'what are your thoughts on today?" I didn't get a response. Later in the afternoon, I received this: "I know this is lame, but I told my friends I would help them plant a garden and then stay over tonight. I will have to cancel." I responded, "I get the feeling you don't really want to hang out with me and that's fine. Have fun." I will not make plans with him again!
Scenario #2 - For over a year now I have been in contact with Steve. We hit it off from the start! Laughing, talking, covering all the bases. Last summer, we decided to meet up. Before he came, he started sounding desperate and needy. Plus by that time, I had met two other guys whom I found so f-ing hot that this guy looked like a teddy bear, friend potential. When he tried to befriend me on facebook and yahoo, it felt like too much, so I called off the visit. We chatted a few times after that. Once I felt bad for how I was toward him and sent a hello. I was talking to someone at the time and he was pretty upset about that. A few weeks ago he found me again. Sent me a message and requested friendship on facebook. I gave in. We talked a few times and texted greetings here and there. After reconnecting, we decided we should meet - it has been a year after all! He did not want me driving a long distance and said he would come closer to where I live. We would meet in Ann Arbor. A few days before we were to connect, he stopped texting, didn't answer my phone calls, and was very short when we chatted online. The day before, I texted him to confirm. He said he'd let me know when he was on his way because he'd be leaving a doctor's office. The morning of, I received a text that said, "I didn't sleep well last night and I don't think I should sleep and drive at the same time, I have to cancel" That is what I call BULLSHIT and so I deleted him from my life, and have not heard a thing from him. What the hell is that all about?! I don't get it.
Flash forward to four days later to scenario #3. I was supposed to get a visit from Michael. It's been a few months since last we saw each other. I warned him, "Let me know if things change because I've been cancelled on way too much this week." He assured me that he was coming. The afternoon of, he texted me that it was a 50/50 chance and he would call when he could. I have not heard from him since.
What a crappy week that was! What is the deal? At least I get to see that the best foot forward is not worthy of my time....do the hokey pokey and turn yourself about dude! They have all been deleted from my life.
Snowball Skate
(March 2)
It is Saturday night and I am in Detroit listening to live music. My attire has turned heads as I hoped it would. I am seated at a table for two right next to the band. Tonight I look impeccable and feel alone. When will someone choose me? Choose to spend time with me, to talk with me, to be with me. There are three people here tonight with whom I have some type of history and none of them are seated before me. I am writing this on a complimentary post card by the light of a small flickering candle on my table. I am reminded of elementary school when the skating parties would have the dreaded SNOWBALL SKATE!!! I remember standing with my back against the wall with all the other hopeful girls. I"d watch the boys skate round and round until it was time to choose a partner. "Pick Me!" Zooom, they'd go by in a flash! Here I sit. Memories float though my brain. I am faced with a conundrum (I like that word). As I listen to the music I don't know which direction to turn my attention. Here's the rub. One man, I like and have for years, and he does not want me. Doesn't even want a conversation with me. He barely even looks at me. One wants me. The feeling is not mutual. We tried that and failed. He had more than three major strikes that counted against him. The third man is someone I adore and he adores me, but he is not an option. So, here I sit. Couples all around, disco ball reflecting light, ad a stranger just asked to take my other chair (there goes my chance of a 'plus one' now!) Pick me. Choose me. They skate by leaving a breeze on my skin and a tear in my heart. My back against the wall, waiting, holding my breath as I am ogled by one, rejected by another, and cherished yet not available to another. A conundrum indeed! Here sit mentally beggin the announcer to shout ALL SKATE, ALL SKATE IN THE REGULAR DIRECTION.
It is Saturday night and I am in Detroit listening to live music. My attire has turned heads as I hoped it would. I am seated at a table for two right next to the band. Tonight I look impeccable and feel alone. When will someone choose me? Choose to spend time with me, to talk with me, to be with me. There are three people here tonight with whom I have some type of history and none of them are seated before me. I am writing this on a complimentary post card by the light of a small flickering candle on my table. I am reminded of elementary school when the skating parties would have the dreaded SNOWBALL SKATE!!! I remember standing with my back against the wall with all the other hopeful girls. I"d watch the boys skate round and round until it was time to choose a partner. "Pick Me!" Zooom, they'd go by in a flash! Here I sit. Memories float though my brain. I am faced with a conundrum (I like that word). As I listen to the music I don't know which direction to turn my attention. Here's the rub. One man, I like and have for years, and he does not want me. Doesn't even want a conversation with me. He barely even looks at me. One wants me. The feeling is not mutual. We tried that and failed. He had more than three major strikes that counted against him. The third man is someone I adore and he adores me, but he is not an option. So, here I sit. Couples all around, disco ball reflecting light, ad a stranger just asked to take my other chair (there goes my chance of a 'plus one' now!) Pick me. Choose me. They skate by leaving a breeze on my skin and a tear in my heart. My back against the wall, waiting, holding my breath as I am ogled by one, rejected by another, and cherished yet not available to another. A conundrum indeed! Here sit mentally beggin the announcer to shout ALL SKATE, ALL SKATE IN THE REGULAR DIRECTION.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
thoughts from among the clouds
One thing I thought about today is that I never get tired of talking to someone I am interested in. Never. I don’t have that feeling like, uahh I don’t think I will call them today cuz I’m just not thinking about them. There is some part of every day when I think about that person and even if I can’t talk…which I always seem to be able to, I at least text. If I am not talk ing to someone it is because I am in game mode and wanting them to contact me so I don’t come on too strong. I can’t think of one time when I was really into someone and didn’t want to talk to them at least once a day… more like 5-10! Am I wrong here? Do I come across as this crazy obsessive bitch because I want to talk to or hear from my person of interest? I really need some feedback on this. It’s like everyone is playing along all the while saying they don’t enjoy games and want to be straight forward. Here I am in a new.. thing, hell, I don’t know what it is. Talking to a new man and really interested in him. Again, we talked for hours and texted throughout every day. Then talking slowed down and texts kept going. Then texts slowed and talking stopped completely. Today, no text and no call. I now this is where the light bulb should go off that says ummm, you know that sex compliates things right? I just don’t buy it. I put that in the same category as people who say you can’t be grossly rich and happy at the same time. Bahhh, I don’t believe it! In fact, give me a butt load of money and let me prove how happy I can be. I’ll be all about balance and benjamines. I left out for Atlanta today. I attempted the first level of any relationship that has any amount of depth and asked for a ride to the air port. I was hopeful when he said he would check his schedule (hmm, guess I shouldn’t have been hopeful since I needed a ride at 8am and he didn’t work until the afternoon. I waited a few days and didn’t hear back about this request. I am a planner and I like to know what’s up well in advance. I knew for sure he would want to see me before I leave for a week. Especialy since we haven’t seen each other in over five days. Well, I had to ask. I texted something like: “I know you are busy and wanted me to get back with you after you checked your schedule (actually he was going to get back to me, but I used a little communication trickery) I was just wondering if you think you’ll be able to give me a ride to the air port Wednesday?” His response came later and was something along these lines: I won’t be able to take you to the air port because I have a very busy day. I wish I could” Wishing and hoping and wanting don’t do anything for me but bring up m y defenses likek a bad biurp. So today I waited and waited to hear from him. Ususally it is first thing in the morning. Lately, I realized I was the one making the first contact, every day, each time. Today, I thought I’d give him a chance to show that he was thinking about me Nothing. Now, does that mean he isn’t thinking or that he was so super busy that he wouldn’t put a short sentence toether as he had done for days in a row? I fought and fought and fought back the urge to call or text again. Oh, did I tell you I texted this morning that he can call this week when he has a chance? Well I did. Any how. I was at the air port till 6:00 since my flight was delayed by 4 hours. I never received a text As I was wondering when I would hear from my new interest, I read my life story in a book called How To Be Single. I have now figured out why it is taking so long for me to get through this comical book. Because to me, it isn’t funny, it is my life. So one woman in the book was waiting to hear back from someone she had gone out with a few times and had slept with the night before. As she sought the advice of a dear girlfriend, the friend said that now is the time when he shows how long he can go without talking to her. This is where he shows his intent. These were such strong words that I had a nervous smile on my face. It was as if someone was watching my life and writing about it for the whole world to see. I had to take a step back and close the book. Is this what is going on? Instead of talking about intent and future plans, I must assertain by action or lack thereof? I swear I will go one of these times for th suggestested 90 days and see where that gets me. All I know is that the first date or the second date plan is not working! I guess I am willing to play this game as long as it works for me. As soon as it doesn’t, I’ll quit and persue another hobby. I know that once I land and we are given permission to turn on devices, I will search through my phone for any indication that he thought of me today. A text, a missed call, a message. Something that says “I should still be your number one choice because I thought of you and contacted you during my super busy day” Why oh why do I sell myself so short. I don’t now, but it will take the last chaper of this experience to let me kow.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Sick and Tired
1:23AM
I am exhausted with dating - online and offline. Simply wiped out. The small talk. The large talk and the talk in between. Sick of it all. I feel like it is a motion I'm going through and it feels pointless. I am interested in a new person and I want to just say, "Look, I am so tired right now of all this! I was about to take myself off the market for a while before I met you. So here is the thing. I have no expectations because I am tired of people not even reaching the bar that is on the fucking floor. So, I will not put up any pretenses. What you see is what you get. I am just me with no sugar coating. I have put out all the sugar I can for a while and I have emotional hypoglycemia from the whole ordeal!" Staying up all hours of the night talking! Waking up to chat on the early morning commute! Texting while getting ready for work and running late but being ok with it. Fuck all that! So tired of it... so very tired. Talking all day practicing uncertainty reduction. Asking the interview questions: What color do you like... do you read... do you cook.. what movies do you like? What is your sign? Seems like all the same questions just different answers because every few weeks it's a different person. I don't even think I log the answers in my head. It's just random facts soaring through my brain. Once we meet in person and he or she is around for more than a month, I will conduct a review session. " Now that we are dating exclusively and I know that you are not with anyone else and that no one else thinks you are her boyfriend or husband and I know that you respect and honor me and I can be myself around you and you know all that about me....Let me ask you a few things. What color do you like? Do you cook? Do you like to read? What is your sign?" These answers I will remember because I'll know who you are and who I am and who we are. I'll be excited and energized instead of sick and tired.
Virtual Reality
I just received a gift! It was so special to get a nice, fluffy, brown teddy bear and a bright yellow flower. How sweet some guys are! I can't wait to cuddle up with it and keep it forever! Only one thing, it was a virtual teddy bear. A picture of a bear on a screen holding a yellow daisy. The message said it came with a gift. A gift is something people use points in order to be able to send sweet nothings. That is just what it is - a sweet nothing. What am I supposed to do with a picture of a teddy bear? Cuddle up with my computer screen at night? Feel the same fondness in my heart that I would fee if it were real? It is pointless. As pointless as virtual greeting cards in my opinion. If we know each other well enough to exchange cards, then send me a card, not a picture of a card. What is the response? A picture of a tear, two arms and a heart. What have we resorted to? Go check your email, I just sent a virtual love-making session. It's safe -Enjoy!
Friday, April 16, 2010
thoughts from among the clouds
One thing I thought about today is that I never get tired of talking to someone I am interested in. Never. I don’t have that feeling like, uahh I don’t think I will call them today cuz I’m just not thinking about them. There is some part of every day when I think about that person and even if I can’t talk…which I always seem to be able to, I at least text. If I am not talk ing to someone it is because I am in game mode and wanting them to contact me so I don’t come on too strong. I can’t think of one time when I was really into someone and didn’t want to talk to them at least once a day… more like 5-10! Am I wrong here? Do I come across as this crazy obsessive bitch because I want to talk to or hear from my person of interest? I really need some feedback on this. It’s like everyone is playing along all the while saying they don’t enjoy games and want to be straight forward. Here I am in a new.. thing, hell, I don’t know what it is. Talking to a new man and really interested in him. Again, we talked for hours and texted throughout every day. Then talking slowed down and texts kept going. Then texts slowed and talking stopped completely. Today, no text and no call. I now this is where the light bulb should go off that says ummm, you know that sex compliates things right? I just don’t buy it. I put that in the same category as people who say you can’t be grossly rich and happy at the same time. Bahhh, I don’t believe it! In fact, give me a butt load of money and let me prove how happy I can be. I’ll be all about balance and benjamines. I left out for Atlanta today. I attempted the first level of any relationship that has any amount of depth and asked for a ride to the air port. I was hopeful when he said he would check his schedule (hmm, guess I shouldn’t have been hopeful since I needed a ride at 8am and he didn’t work until the afternoon. I waited a few days and didn’t hear back about this request. I am a planner and I like to know what’s up well in advance. I knew for sure he would want to see me before I leave for a week. Especialy since we haven’t seen each other in over five days. Well, I had to ask. I texted something like: “I know you are busy and wanted me to get back with you after you checked your schedule (actually he was going to get back to me, but I used a little communication trickery) I was just wondering if you think you’ll be able to give me a ride to the air port Wednesday?” His response came later and was something along these lines: I won’t be able to take you to the air port because I have a very busy day. I wish I could” Wishing and hoping and wanting don’t do anything for me but bring up m y defenses likek a bad burp. So today I waited and waited to hear from him. Ususally it is first thing in the morning. Lately, I realized I was the one making the first contact, every day, each time. Today, I thought I’d give him a chance to show that he was thinking about me Nothing. Now, does that mean he isn’t thinking or that he was so super busy that he wouldn’t put a short sentence toether as he had done for days in a row? I fought and fought and fought back the urge to call or text again. Oh, did I tell you I texted this morning that he can call this week when he has a chance? Well I did. Any how. I was at the air port till 6:00 since my flight was delayed by 4 hours. I never received a text As I was wondering when I would hear from my new interest, I read my life story in a book called How To Be Single. I have now figured out why it is taking so long for me to get through this comical book. Because to me, it isn’t funny, it is my life. So one woman in the book was waiting to hear back from someone she had gone out with a few times and had slept with the night before. As she sought the advice of a dear girlfriend, the friend said that now is the time when he shows how long he can go without talking to her. This is where he shows his intent. These were such strong words that I had a nervous smile on my face. It was as if someone was watching my life and writing about it for the whole world to see. I had to take a step back and close the book. Is this what is going on? Instead of talking about intent and future plans, I must assertain by action or lack thereof? I swear I will go one of these times for th suggestested 90 days and see where that gets me. All I know is that the first date or the second date plan is not working! I guess I am willing to play this game as long as it works for me. As soon as it doesn’t, I’ll quit and persue another hobby. I know that once I land and we are given permission to turn on devices, I will search through my phone for any indication that he thought of me today. A text, a missed call, a message. Something that says “I should still be your number one choice because I thought of you and contacted you during my super busy day” Why oh why do I sell myself so short. I don’t now, but it will take the last chaper of this experience to let me kow.
Cost and Demand: On Demand at what Cost
I often wonder if I am too available. If I am around too much and accessable too often. I am happy to sit and wait for hours for someone I want to see. I am obliged to carve time out of my day in order to wait two hours for ten minutes of their time. This is a behavior I have noticed a lot in the last few months. Only today did it cause me to pause and wonder… what are you doing? Is this a sign of dedication or desparation? Does this make someone look at me as though they don’t have to work for my affection or does it show them my interest and commitment to the pending relationship? I have not had anyone wait for me like I do for others. I realize day after day that I cannot measure the way others treat me against the way I treat others. I find myself constantly exclaiming I WOULD NEVER DO THAT! I AM A BETTER FRIEND THAN THAT! I AM WORTH MORE THAN THAT! So perhaps this means I should lower my expectations and lower my own levels in friendships and relationships. Perhaps this means I should stop looking for a person like me and realize that I could possibly be too much for everyone else. Sometimes, I hear so many excuses as to why I am disregarded. Other times, it is treated as normal. Well, that’s Jenn, she will be there, she will wait. Some times I feel like a little page boy awaiting his next order from the boss. It all comes down to balance, appreciation, and affirmation. With balance, there has to be mutual effort, constant pressure from equal sides (I know there is some science or physics reference there). If one side gives more than the other for too long, the relationship will collaps. With appreciation, even if someone cannot give or do the same as I can, a little verbal apprciation goes a long way. Thank you for waiting. I was glad to know you were here even though I couldn’t get to you yet. And appreciation is spoken and shown by actions. Find out what communicates your love and affection to the other person and let them know your level of appreciation. There is too much guess work involved in relationships. That shit is for the young who have time for games and such. People need to be clear and honest. Give updates to your situation if things have changed since the last conversation. I will never know why things seem so hard for some people. Maybe it is because no one has felt about me the way I have felt about them. Perhaps it is because no one has shown them love the way I do and they don’t know how to respond. Perhaps it is because I am too available and too accessable that they don’t have to work for my love and affection. Is it cost and demand or on demand, but at what cost? I may never figure this thing out, but today, I’m getting tired of trying.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Communication is Key
This is the first time in my life I feel like I am in a relationship with someone who gets it. Who knows how important communication is. I realize every time I try to handle a situation with someone that I get down and worried that a conversation will bring an end to the relationship. With this person, I feel like I can say what is on my heart and on my mind and I will be listened to, respected, and responded to. It really just makes the relationship that much deeper and stronger. I guess I have taught and thought that the first stages of relationships are supposed to be all shits and giggles. Goosebumps, daydreams, cheesy grins and no issues or drama on the horizon. That must be an urban legend because I have not seen one like that yet! The beginning of relationships has all that goodness involved, but also has a lot of getting to know you and and getting to know me and where are we apart in life and what are we together and when should we label what we have - what do we have? And all of these things can be discussed. This is what I am learning. You might have already known that, but I, the communication professor, am just learning that there are people who welcome your thoughts and have a healthy skill in communication.
It really is amazing that even one couple makes it ever. The idea that you have two different people from different backgrounds, experiences, baggage, friends, upbringing, spirituality and that they get together and fit?! We should celebrate every single match that lasts even a couple years. That is no small thing in my opinion. Most likely tainted by the fact that I have just now stumbled upon this kind of a connection. I talk to this person and feel at peace. I feel listened to, respected, loved and adored. There is so much understanding involved in relationships. Understanding the other person, their current situations (financial, spiritual, etc.), understanding yourself. This is the toughie for me cuz I thought I had it down. Seriously, I thought I had one thing down and that was communication. I thought I knew myself ever so well, what I need, my strengths, my weaknesses, my tendencies. I had no fucking clue. I am just now realizing exactly how much I analyze. I think and think and over think a sentence, phrase, action, joke, my thoughts, or my feelings. I am so thankful to my girlfriends for their help in this area. They know that I respect their perspective and they let me know. Jennifer, you are over thinking this...don't be so black and white... lay off yourself. I thought I knew me. I even had a mock fight with someone a year ago telling him that I knew myself and that I was ready to settle down in a serious relationship. He said, I don't think you know yourself well enough yet. I fought it down until he simply said, time will tell. Well, my friend, time has told me that I don't know shit. But I am certainly excited to have someone in my life who allows me to be me, encourages me to speak my heart, loves and respects my thoughts and feelings. As I posted as m facebook status a week ago: " It is so wonderful to feel loved, liked, adored and appreciated. And to reflect those feelings back into an open mind and open heart - it's a beautiful thing."
Why I shouldn't think at 5am...
So here I sit falling for someone who is unsure and un available. Wondering why things are complicated when I thought they were so sure. Why can I see so clearly what is foggy to others. I hate that I pretty much have no say in the fate of my relationships. It’s like I’m here, open, wanting, waiting and feel like I’m about to be admired then replaced on the worn spot on the shelf again. I don’t know how to do half-assed. I love strong and hard and with reason and purpose. I don’t know how to kind-of show that I like you. I don’t know how to not text or call when I’m thinking of you. I live with immediacy and urgency that tomorrow is not promised. When will my feelings be put first? When will my love be openly received and returned back to me. When will I cease to be shut down or slowed down or backed up due to complications? When will I be first instead of being a distraction? I don’t know how to be half of me.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
The stages - #2, Attraction
Eventually, Lust gives way to attraction. Lust is brief, attraction lasts quite a bit longer. The definition is as follows:a : the act, process, or power of attracting b : personal charm 2 : the action or power of drawing forth a response : an attractive quality 3 : a force acting mutually between particles of matter, tending to draw them together, and resisting their separation.
I like that. Resisting their separation. Nicely put dictionary.com! With attraction, there is something more settling involved. Parties know that the lust is there and they decide to proceed to the next level. Chemicals are still being exchanged, but at a much lesser rate than what happened in the Lust stage. With this next level comes clarity, communication, and commitment. Now is where you can settle down, trust and know that two people are building on a foundation toward the same goal. The goals have to be assessed and reassessed and discussed, and chewed on, spit out, and revisited again. But in the end, there is a clear understanding to the questions "What are we, and where are we headed?" There is vulnerability in this stage because your heart is open to giving and receiving love. When something is open, there is chance of infection setting in, but... there is also chance for the love of a lifetime. That exhalation, that whew, I am me and you are you and we are we - let's do this. This is stage two, attraction. It's deeper than lust but not yet at the third and deepest level: Attachment.
The stages - #1, LUST
Researchers say that there are three stages in relationships. Lust, Attraction, and Attatchment. For good reason, the first and juiciest is Lust. This is the raw chemistry that is felt for one person or between two people. There is no logic, only lust. The wanting of that person, the longing for that person every day, all day, non stop. This is the feeling of being moved in your gut before you've even exchanged a word with the other person. Lust. Defined as being a strong sexual desire. A craving, appetite, or strong desire for. This is what brings people together. Without lust, the world as we know it would have ceased to exist decades ago.
Some people become addicted to the chemisty that is experienced during this stage of falling in love. They long to repeat it and get that high by breaking up and starting over again and again and again. This is a wonderful stage! I love, love, love it!
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
chemistry set
H2O - water, K - potassium, Ag - silver, beakers, Bunsen burners, water, fire, periodic table - CHEMISTRY. Had they used falling in love to teach chemistry in high school, I probably would have remembered more. Here is what's going on: Dopamine is being released into my brain. Endorphins are making me feel high. Serotonin gives me a relaxed feeling. One website says that falling in love releases the same chemicals into your brain that one feels when they are high. So, that is what is happening, and this is what I am feeling. WEEEEEEEEEE! giddy, giddy, giggle, heheheh, hahahah, butterflies in my stomach doing the hustle when the phone rings or a text comes through, loss of appetite, lack of the need to sleep, a true, real feeling of falling. I have enjoyed this chemical rush for about six days. I don't remember having this feeling before, not to where I was affected physically! This is what they call falling in love. Sometimes it comes out of nowhere. They say when you stop looking is when you find it - or it finds you. I always blow these bullshit responses off as wisdom from someone who already has what I want. But, in this case, it seems to be true. I had decided to limit my dating, stop the casual connections and be open and available to love when it found me. That evening, a conversation with a long lost friend ensued. We talked, we laughed, we connected. This is the source of my endorphin rush. This is the reason I smile all day, walk with a skip in my step, dream sweet dreams, and have my head in the clouds. I wonder if my head was really in the clouds, would they tickle my nose? Maybe that's what brings the giggles! See what I mean?! I'm going to try to eat something, butterflies, move over a bit and make room. A chemical connection has been made. It is so electrifying that we have to proceed with caution lest we blow up the whole chem. lab. No doubt fireworks would light up the sky if that were to happen. Sigh, giggle, smile.
GOOD TIMES -not gettin hassled, not gettin hustled
The last few weeks have been full of good time spent together without pressure for more. This friend has two names that balance him out. I call him Supergeek because he works with computers and is intelligent. I also call him Henn because he likes Hennessy! The ying and yang meet over a glass of ice and a PC. So, Henn and I met last fall. He was one of the nice guys I've mentioned who treats me so well and with such respect. He is a gentleman and I never feel like he is spending time with me only to get me into bed. Henn is a good man. So good in fact, that he is tired of that label. He is one who has been burned, badly, and is surrounded by other men in his life who have been burned by their women. He has made it clear that he is rebuilding himself and is interested in friendship with me. I am so cool with that. I enjoy spending time with him. We laugh and pick and just have fun. We have watch movies, had dinner, and even gone to a shooting range together. I like him as a person and I am proud of him as a man and father. We have our daily chats either on IM or texting. I"m telling you. It is so nice and relaxing to have a friend with no strings attached. I am not wondering where he is if we are supposed to meet up because he shows up. I am not confused that he hasn't answered a text because he answers them. I am not wondering where we are headed because he is honest with me and I listen to him. A good man. A good friend - Supergeek/Henn.
Friday, February 26, 2010
here I sit... With a Big Cheesy Grin pt. 4
The Grin is In! Got a good morning text from the man I thought was no longer interested. We've been chatting back and forth a little this morning. After realizing that we are both free right now, we are going to meet up for breakfast and coffee. Sounds like we are both pretty geeked! He expressed how beautiful he finds me. I expressed my attraction mental and physical. So, here we go. This is what it's all about. Wondering, waiting, chances, second chances. I must get off the couch, out of my sweats, and into something fantastic. Do my hair, and make sure the make-up is flawless...
Thursday, February 25, 2010
here I sit... With a Big Cheesy Grin pt. 3
The phone rang his ring. I was reluctant to answer because I'm up to my neck in bull-shit excuses. Hello... A short conversation followed about what came up and how he wanted to see me tonight. It looks like instead of tonight or tomorrow, I have to wait till I return from my weekend trip to see him again. There was total poutiness in his voice. It's not MY fault we didn't have dinner as planned. I am sitting here looking fantastic - hair done and make-up flawless. Maybe he was upset because he was disappointed that we didn't get together. Maybe he was tired, maybe he was thinking about the situation that detained him. Perhaps Monday will be a different story. Perhaps it will not. Chances are, I will be sitting here, looking fantastic, hair done and make-up flawless, making back-up plan upon back-up plan for my evening. As it stands tonight, I had a beer, some snacks, and graded papers! Gotta keep going on with life, my friends. No time for pouting and questions of what if and why. I don't have a big cheesy grin anymore, but my make-up is still flawless!
here I sit... With a Big Cheesy Grin pt. 2
Well, you must have told me to text because that is exactly what I did! Thanks for that advice. So, I texted him two hours after we parted ways. "Hello 'C'. What are your thoughts about tonight so I know how to plan?" His response was, "Not sure yet. My brother ran into a jam and needs some help." Now, is it possible that this is a true story? ABSOLUTELY. But here's the thing... I have heard it before. It's like my students who tell me they were sick or that their grandmother died.. again. I believe some over the years and others I know are lying. I'm not sure yet how to 'Nancy Drew' this clue. So, I still sit, half dressed, hair done and make-up flawless. My evening in someone else's hands. I hate this shit! I know you might be saying, Jenn! Lighten up! Things happen, give him a break! I have no choice but to give him a break and see what comes of it. My thing, dear friend, is this: If you have made plans with someone and something comes up in your life to prevent said plans... please, please, please let the person know so they can make other plans. Text, call, send a friggin air plane with a banner! I don't care how you let them know, just clue them in! To do otherwise is irresponsible and unkind. As it is now, I look fantastic, I am hungry, and slightly pissed off. Funny combo huh?! This is life for Tripple J. The tide will most assuredly turn, stay tuned...
It's You... and... It's Me
Something just hit me the other day. It hit me and sat there till it was fully submerged into my psyche. What is the knowledge I have gained? What nugget of information made me say 'Hmm.' After talking with a friend about our past relationships, current situations, sates of mind I learned that I am not alone in the battles and all out war that is: finding a lasting, loving relationship. I had no clue that men were going through the same things as I have been dealing with. I had no idea that some women have fucked up these men as badly as many men have fucked up the women. This is a conversation I have had with quite a few men over the last few months. For every story that I have about a person who stood me up, dated me for a while and then disappeared, made plans to spend forever with me and then changed disgustingly drastically, he had one to match it. On one hand it made me feel so bad for the fellas. I said to myself, 'wow, he is a good guy, just like I am a good woman. He gave 100% just like I gave 100% and it was shit on.. or shat upon - whatever! He feels burned, bruised, and battered just like I did.' And there are more out there! More women who are good, and loving, and giving, educated and lovely women! More men who are good, loving, honorable, fun and manly men. I guess depending on how long ago one's latest burn was, one may be more skeptical of love and the process of falling. I can understand that too! If you have fallen and no has caught you, and each time, you've fallen on your ass, that hurts. But, if you have fallen with someone who was not me, I can't guarantee that the net was as solid as mine is. I am learning that people have to work through their past at their pace. It took me a long time to deal with the bitter and get better. I'm just glad that now I know, it isn't just me. I mean, I hate that my male friends have been hurt so badly by someone who looks like me. It's hard to imagine because I would never treat anyone they way they (or I) have been treated. I hope that before the walls get a final layer of morter and brick the sun will peek through. I hope all who are hurting have cuts that heal, scabs that crust over and fall off, and scars that tell a story of events gone by. I hope they arrive at where I am - maybe even at the same time! Two people, 100% and ready to jump back up on that wire. It's a game of trust really. I trust you not to hurt me like others have. You trust me to handle your heart with care. I promise you this. If you play the 'trust me' game with me and I am the one holding the net, you'll be just fine. Just waiting to get the same offer from another person without bandages.
Here I sit... With a Big Cheesy Grin pt. 1
It is Thursday evening. I have been here before, sitting on my couch, Sogna la pooch nearby. Today is different. I am bringing you along my friend for what proves to be an exciting adventure. For the first time, I am going to chronicle thoughts and feelings before the date and immediately after. At this point, I am worn out with online dating. I am on the sites to gain information and stories that I can share with you. Things you can laugh at, learn from, and be forewarned about. Today, the flame of possiblity has flickered ever so slightly. I met this gentleman, as I have many others, online. We met a couple days ago and started sending messages back and forth. I figured this was just part of the ebb and flow of it all, but that is another page of this book! Look out for something called Feast or Famine, or Ebb and Flow, or Turn It All About. Basically, I thought this was just one more thing just like the others. A man who will tell me how beautiful I am and then choose not to talk to me. But, he was different. He didn't pour it on or hold back too much. He showed his interest and indicated that he was interested in talking with me on the phone. I gave my Yahoo chat ID and waited to hear from him. This morning... 7am, I got a message. Yes, me, at 7am when I didn't have to be up until 8! Grace was extended because he knows not what he did!!! I saw that the message was from him, turned off the ringer, and went back to sleep mumbling something like "oh, it's 'C', I'll get back to him later...zzzzz" Later in the day, I sent a message back to him and the chase began. He sent a message on the dating site. When I received it and responded, I found a message on Yahoo. I replied to that and then found he had answered my question on the dating site. The last message included his phone number. Today was an extremely busy day, so I knew I did not have much time to chat, let alone a first-time chat. Before I knew it, I was grading papers with one hand and dialing his number with the other. He answered the greeting with a tentative 'hhhello.' "Hi, this is Jennifer," "Oooooh! Hello, Jennifer!" He sounded relieved. The conversation flowed with such ease and grace from that point on. We made plans to see each other sometime this evening. I figured I'd come home, play with Sogna, change into something sexy and meet up for dinner. As I pulled into my parking lot, the phone rang. My butterflies started dancing as I fumbled for the phone and put on the sexy smooth, 'hello.' About twenty minutes later, we met for coffee at a shop near my house. Being that he arrived before I did, he called and asked if I wanted him or order anything for me. Shocked, "I stammered, um, uh, no.. well, uh, sure! I'll take a small Chai Tea." I arrived and spotted him immediately. Chemistry was instant and electrifying. We smiled, we chatted, we looked, gazed, laughed, shared. We connected on an intellectual level as well as physical - such a turn on! Many commonalities; our upbringing, faith, sense of humor, positive outlook on life, lack of children, goals for the future. We met for a very short time and made plans to connect again tonight for dinner. That brings me to right here, right now. I am sitting here waiting, mostly dressed, hair done, make- up flawless. Inside, I wonder if I will get a call or an excuse. I realize what I have allowed to happen and what it has done to me. I've started to lose my faith in mankind, or rather, kind man. How sad is that?! For a hopeful romantic to be hopeless, that is a sad day my friends. He presented himself as being extremely interested in getting to know me. I believe he will call, but what if he doesn't? Do I call? Do I text? Does that come across as desperate? Do I give him a second chance as I have every other guy I've been interested in? Why am I betting that he won't follow through? I think I will text... something smooth like, "so, what are you thoughts about tonight?" This is what happens in the mind of a communication person. I think, and think, and ask a girl friend, and wonder, ultimately driving myself crazy one way or another! My phone, like yours, often does not get a clear signal, so I keep checking it. Like they used to in the old movies. The teenager in love would run to the phone and pick up the receiver just to make sure the dial tone was there.. and that her little sister wasn't tying up the phone line. Nope, it still works, and no call yet. I changed his ring tone so I won't have to wonder if it is him calling - I'll know. I know I should leave it alone and wait to see what happens. Should I? What would you do? Call, text, nothing? Damn, I wish I could hear your answer!
Saturday, February 20, 2010
And that's what I call CL..O.SURRRE pt. 1
December 1, we started talking. Talked about once a day or so, getting to know one
another. Sounded like a nice guy and had an incredible smile.
December 6, 2009 - I texted, Hey! Busy weekend! Sorry I didn't get back to you. I told you I’d always be upfront with you so I
have to tell you that I’ve met someone pretty cool and I want to see where it will go.
Anwar: So leave me hangin then?
Me: We had no plans to see each other yet.
Anwar: Actually u said u were free today n we coulda met up.
Me: Now that I’ve met this person I don’t think that would be fair to you.
Anwar: It’s all good though. I’m used to women fuckin me ova. Too upscale 4 me n e
Way.
Then later, he texted more…. Lying ass. If you were talking to someone else the whole time u were feeling him. Why the heck would u waste my time??
He then proceeded to call me twenty times. I am totally serious here – twenty times. I was on the phone so he texted; Now ur dumb ass won't answer the phone?
Then he texted one letter at a time
A
S
S
S
A
S
X
X
A couple weeks later, I received a message on the dating site saying that I was on the website an awful lot for
someone who was seeing someone. My response was closer to the way my students react when I correct them by teaching proper communication skills. This was possibly the first time I 'went off' on someone.... AND IT FELT GOOOOOD! I responded with something like this: "Fuck you! I don’t even know your last name and you are acting like a little bitch. What? Are you
Spying on me now or something? Damn, this shit is pissin me off! Get a life!"
He wrote back apologizing that he kept seeing my picture when he signed on…as if I can control that!.
He asked if we could be friends again and talk. I said yes, but meant HELL NOOOOO!
We went back and forth a few more times, then we stopped communicating. This morning,
I wake up to receive this message:
"For someone that's interested in one man, u sure are on here a lot. I
think u just wanted to blow me off."
Me: You need to stop! You don't know me like that. Had you not responded like an
ass the first time I was honest with you about talking to someone, perhaps we'd
still be talking. But you didn't. Man up Anwar. You've got more to do in life than
monitor my online activity. Rid yourself of your anger. It is eating you alive. And
by all means don't contact me again. You can't handle an honest mature
confident woman such as myself and that's ok. But don't embarrass yourself any
further.
another. Sounded like a nice guy and had an incredible smile.
December 6, 2009 - I texted, Hey! Busy weekend! Sorry I didn't get back to you. I told you I’d always be upfront with you so I
have to tell you that I’ve met someone pretty cool and I want to see where it will go.
Anwar: So leave me hangin then?
Me: We had no plans to see each other yet.
Anwar: Actually u said u were free today n we coulda met up.
Me: Now that I’ve met this person I don’t think that would be fair to you.
Anwar: It’s all good though. I’m used to women fuckin me ova. Too upscale 4 me n e
Way.
Then later, he texted more…. Lying ass. If you were talking to someone else the whole time u were feeling him. Why the heck would u waste my time??
He then proceeded to call me twenty times. I am totally serious here – twenty times. I was on the phone so he texted; Now ur dumb ass won't answer the phone?
Then he texted one letter at a time
A
S
S
S
A
S
X
X
A couple weeks later, I received a message on the dating site saying that I was on the website an awful lot for
someone who was seeing someone. My response was closer to the way my students react when I correct them by teaching proper communication skills. This was possibly the first time I 'went off' on someone.... AND IT FELT GOOOOOD! I responded with something like this: "Fuck you! I don’t even know your last name and you are acting like a little bitch. What? Are you
Spying on me now or something? Damn, this shit is pissin me off! Get a life!"
He wrote back apologizing that he kept seeing my picture when he signed on…as if I can control that!.
He asked if we could be friends again and talk. I said yes, but meant HELL NOOOOO!
We went back and forth a few more times, then we stopped communicating. This morning,
I wake up to receive this message:
"For someone that's interested in one man, u sure are on here a lot. I
think u just wanted to blow me off."
Me: You need to stop! You don't know me like that. Had you not responded like an
ass the first time I was honest with you about talking to someone, perhaps we'd
still be talking. But you didn't. Man up Anwar. You've got more to do in life than
monitor my online activity. Rid yourself of your anger. It is eating you alive. And
by all means don't contact me again. You can't handle an honest mature
confident woman such as myself and that's ok. But don't embarrass yourself any
further.
I blocked him from messaging me any further. Poor guy, I didn't mean to break his heart in six days or less. Well, that should be the end - and that's what I call cl...o..surrrre
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Indecent Proposals - 1
I received this on a Skype page out of no where! I have no clue who this person is and have never had contact with them. Just thought you might be interested in the many inappropriate offers I receive. I will add more as they come! Just like Eve and that Damn serpent! Making that apple look like apple crisp with butter pecan ice cream! Unbelievable!
Hello dear, do you remember how we communicated with you? Long ago you could not see, I am Marina - with Russia, do you remember me? Come to my page - let's talk, I'm waiting! There are thousands of unhappy married women and men in every city, but they DO NOT want to leave their spouse. They want to stay married, but they want to have an affair without ever being caught. Our dating community is extremely popular!
Having an affair can be stressful because you never know if the other person involved is going to get attached to you. You just want to have an intimate encounter and nothing else.
A great thing about this Discreet Dating Community For Married People is that there is no cost to
10:26 PM
to join. You can check it out, see if you like it, and then begin contacting married people for secret intimate encounters.
Press here if you want to have an affair with a married person:
Hello dear, do you remember how we communicated with you? Long ago you could not see, I am Marina - with Russia, do you remember me? Come to my page - let's talk, I'm waiting! There are thousands of unhappy married women and men in every city, but they DO NOT want to leave their spouse. They want to stay married, but they want to have an affair without ever being caught. Our dating community is extremely popular!
Having an affair can be stressful because you never know if the other person involved is going to get attached to you. You just want to have an intimate encounter and nothing else.
A great thing about this Discreet Dating Community For Married People is that there is no cost to
10:26 PM
to join. You can check it out, see if you like it, and then begin contacting married people for secret intimate encounters.
Press here if you want to have an affair with a married person:
Here I sit
It is Thursday night. I am sitting on the couch, under a blanket, sipping on tea, watching the fire roar with my trusty canine to my right. This evening sounds like too many others! The tide is low in the pool of fishes. It has been a few days since I have talked to either of my trusted two. These two have been around since the beginning of my journey. I could see a relationship developing with either if they would simply ask. Instead, I count the hours, days, and weeks until one has time for me. I grapple for my phone when I hear the text alert, and I send unanswered bits of encouragement and suggestion day after day. One texted me a warm Valentines day greeting. The other wrote me two days later asking how my weekend was. Dear reader, have no fear, be not concerned with my sanity. I realize the situation. I know that these men are not interested in a relationship with me or else we would be in one with me. I realize the monsters that I have created and am nurturing. But that hope...I'm holding on like a life raft that has been tattered and torn to the point where it is now the size of a water balloon. I am not feeling sorry for myself because I know the situations. I know in my head and in my heart what is going on with these two, with two others who are not available to me, with two others who pulled out of the race all together. I have recently started talking to a new guy. He is at the end of his relationship - so he says. Sounds like there is mutual understanding of the impending end. Sure, we will see about that. I have been down this road before and it leaves me alone on my couch with my dog. He is available when he is available, not when and if I feel the need to talk or just to hear his voice. He is not local, so there is no harm/no foul. All have their reasons to live their lives without me. And I have my reasons for maintaining a shred of whatever it is that we have. I am actually the happiest and most at peace then I have ever been before. I am comfortable in my own skin for the first time in my life. I feel free to dance around, to sing, to be silly, to be serious. Perhaps that is why I have the peace, because I know that though I would be happy with any of these men as a permanent fixture in my life, I am also happy with just me. All I have to offer them... is me. I am settling in the thirty-something Jennifer. Last year, my phrase was...I don't know what happened to Jennifer 2008 but this bitch is crazy! Now, Jennifer 2008 is stronger, better, sexier than ever. And this bitch is ME.
The Mirror has Two faces... St. Lunatic
What is it with people who go by two totally different names? I can understand William = Bill or Robert = Bob, but Shawn who's name used to be Maurice, but goes by Terell? Or Angelo who goes by Tony? Give me a break! This is the first of a short series about Angelo/Tony from St. Louis. It is entitled St. Lunatic...
Angelo first conversation (T-Tony; J-Jennifer)
angelo2009 wrote:
T: Hi,how are you?Im Tony.I would like to get to know you
J: Hi Tony, I'm Jennifer. Nice to meet you! If you are on later, we can chat online if you'd like. Have a great day!
T: Well thank you very much.Your very beautiful woman.Why are yousingle?
What brought you to my page?
J: Well, Three things, never married/no children is always surprising, accomplished at a young age, and in your pics - your smile.
The following is record of a little ranting and raving about the situation at the time. Tony was the top prospect that day.
6/14
So here I sit watching He’s Just Not that Into you and watching my BPM account like it’s the stock market! Desparation at it’s best, or is it? I decided to cut Tyler loose today – after explaining about my disappointment. Here is the text: Tyler, I know you are going through a difficult time and life is busy. I gave 3 opportunities for you to uninvited me to the cherity event after you confirmed I should purchase a dress. You said we’d talk about it last week. Never happened. I feel disrespected in this situation. Best of luck to you and your family. It’s been fun. Now if I could only delete his name…And Emmett, haven’t heard from him in a few days and I take it that…He’s not that into me. I know his son is in town and all that, but there is no excuse for not contacting me at all. Unless it’s that he is not interested. And that’s ok. Just so I know. And I know. I am already tired of being single – tired of the search. Tired of having intimate conversations with people I can’t make eye contact with. What’s the purpose. It was fun while it lasted…but it’s over. I will be sought after and not the seeker.
6/21 So many things going on . "E" disrespected my time again and made a lame excuse when I called him on it. Raphael, Nigerian native, ended up getting a date cancelled because he pushed too hard. We knew each other from WCC years ago and his sister was one of my students. I thought there was potential, but now I know differently. He is already too controlling and pushy. I already feel defensive around him and his kisses resemble someone sucking on a fudge pop. Mouth open like a fish, then close. Open, then suckin my face into his mouth. YUCK! He thinks we will be traveling the world together. At first, I agreed that sounded like fun, but then he wouldn’t let up. The first mistake he made was showing up at my house unannounced, uninvited, and I hadn’t given him my address. He found me on the computer through his job. Freaked me the hell out! And I told him so. He didn’t get why and I explained it wasn't proper to show up to someone's house when they had not given you the address!!!!. I still don’t think he got it. Then today, we were going to go out and I set a time limit. He said, I thought you had the whole day open. I said I did, but now I don’t. Damn, I’m already defending and explaining and we’ve seen each other twice. Nope, don’t think so!
Then there is Angelo from st. Louis. He has most of my attention at this point. We talk for hours throughout the day on phone and through text. We send pictures back and forth. He asks really good questions like: If we were to have a disagreement, would you handle it in public or wait till we get home? Good question. He wants me to send pictures of my home, myself, my hands and feet. He said, this is the only way we have to get to know each other at this distance. It’s fun. Neither of us were planning to start a long distance thing, but chatting turned into more talking and now we bid good morning and good night with many hours logged in between. He is laid back, funny, intelligent. He is 29! I love that! He said that’s what the problem has been ☺ He might be on to something! I look forward to getting to know him and to meeting him next month. I am still unsure if I should believe that he is going to visit. So many have fallen on their word. I don’t know. I”ve been disappointed so many times. I think we will know if we are worth pursuing after we meet. Meanwhile, we ask obscure questions like –do you like chocolate? Do you like salads? Where do you like to travel? How many children do you want? What would you think if you were to get pregnant and we were planning to get married? Do you hold grudges? I’m enjoying this banter.
11:20pm, I was talking and/texting with Angelo all day today. A few things I learned, he is very romantic. He said something about bath time or shower time. He loved the idea of my book and was excited about me getting my PhD. Said it would better me and us. Talked about finding a school in Charlotte. He wants a vacation home in Florida. Rent out for 6 months and live in for 6 months. I swear he is reading my mind. Then, he said he wants a wedding on the beach. I said, did I put that in my profile? I swear we are on the same wave length! He said about 50 people in chairs, he has it planned out at a place in Key West on the beach. Around $5000 and all that. He is planning to visit. I still won’t let myself get too excited till I know he has a ticket. So sad that the others have done this to me, but I can’t be let down again so I will just wait to be excited. He said he’s looking forward to meeting me. He’s the only one who has talked about seeing me and looked for hotel information. That will cost him around $400 to visit me. Amazing! He loves to cook and said we’d cook in most of his time here and go out maybe once. He’s speaking my language! He is wise beyond his years. It seems like we’ve known each other for months. I know I’ve said that before and that was true then as well. There is a comfort and natural flow that is really nice.
6 24 – starting to have big feelings for Angelo. Talked to him a few times today and agreed to work on his resume. When I called tonight, he phone was disconnected. I’m sad cuz I missed him while "Dee" was here visiting. 'E" called tonight – told me to call back. YOU CAN GUESS THE REST….RIGHT he didn’t answer when I called. Then the exted a bit. Said he thought I was busy for the evening. Whatever, he never asked! So, I wonder what is next.
6/29/09
I am getting tired of the single life. Just having to wait for someone else drives me crazy. Takes me back to snow ball skate. Here I am standing on the wall waiting for a boy to pick me. And the go by, smile, blow kisses, pat me on the back, but they still speed by. I’m a little grumpy today because I would love to be spending this gorgeous night with someone. Sogna is good company, but still. A person would be nice. I don’t think it’s even the singleness, it’s the games that I am encountering that I didn’t expect nor prepare for. People seem interested, then drop off. The ones I want to see are far away. Right now, Tony is ‘planning’ to visit. I just don’t believe it. He was the one who planned it and looked up the tickets and stuff. I’m afraid he is just shitting me like others have. Emmett is constantly saying he wants to see me and spend time with me. Then…nothing. Just words. I don’t want to become hardened, but I can see how that could happen. So, I’m calming the fuck down. Letting the wave pick back up again and let them contact me! It’s hard cuz I am so used to saying what I’m thinking and letting them know when I’m thinking about them or want to spend time with them. I think I am just too much for these men. Perhaps I’m too real. Perhaps I’m too educated. Perhaps I’m too sweet. Perhaps I am too direct. But I am just me. And so I wait. For the one who adores me. That is what I deserve and that is all I will accept.
7/13, I have been online or on the phone all day! Looking forward to seeing Angelo next Wednesday. He is coming from St. Louis and seems to be looking forward to it as well. I have a date Friday with a local guy, one of the few who doesn’t seem like a freak! Demont – we’re meeting for lunch. "E" was supposed to come over for dinner tonight…of course he didn’t come or call. Now it is just fun counting how many times he has stood me up! I think we are up to….drum roll please….6! WOW – what a winner?! I know he is depressed with the job stuff but shit, call or something! Damn, I am worth a phone call!
Angelo first conversation (T-Tony; J-Jennifer)
angelo2009 wrote:
T: Hi,how are you?Im Tony.I would like to get to know you
J: Hi Tony, I'm Jennifer. Nice to meet you! If you are on later, we can chat online if you'd like. Have a great day!
T: Well thank you very much.Your very beautiful woman.Why are yousingle?
What brought you to my page?
J: Well, Three things, never married/no children is always surprising, accomplished at a young age, and in your pics - your smile.
The following is record of a little ranting and raving about the situation at the time. Tony was the top prospect that day.
6/14
So here I sit watching He’s Just Not that Into you and watching my BPM account like it’s the stock market! Desparation at it’s best, or is it? I decided to cut Tyler loose today – after explaining about my disappointment. Here is the text: Tyler, I know you are going through a difficult time and life is busy. I gave 3 opportunities for you to uninvited me to the cherity event after you confirmed I should purchase a dress. You said we’d talk about it last week. Never happened. I feel disrespected in this situation. Best of luck to you and your family. It’s been fun. Now if I could only delete his name…And Emmett, haven’t heard from him in a few days and I take it that…He’s not that into me. I know his son is in town and all that, but there is no excuse for not contacting me at all. Unless it’s that he is not interested. And that’s ok. Just so I know. And I know. I am already tired of being single – tired of the search. Tired of having intimate conversations with people I can’t make eye contact with. What’s the purpose. It was fun while it lasted…but it’s over. I will be sought after and not the seeker.
6/21 So many things going on . "E" disrespected my time again and made a lame excuse when I called him on it. Raphael, Nigerian native, ended up getting a date cancelled because he pushed too hard. We knew each other from WCC years ago and his sister was one of my students. I thought there was potential, but now I know differently. He is already too controlling and pushy. I already feel defensive around him and his kisses resemble someone sucking on a fudge pop. Mouth open like a fish, then close. Open, then suckin my face into his mouth. YUCK! He thinks we will be traveling the world together. At first, I agreed that sounded like fun, but then he wouldn’t let up. The first mistake he made was showing up at my house unannounced, uninvited, and I hadn’t given him my address. He found me on the computer through his job. Freaked me the hell out! And I told him so. He didn’t get why and I explained it wasn't proper to show up to someone's house when they had not given you the address!!!!. I still don’t think he got it. Then today, we were going to go out and I set a time limit. He said, I thought you had the whole day open. I said I did, but now I don’t. Damn, I’m already defending and explaining and we’ve seen each other twice. Nope, don’t think so!
Then there is Angelo from st. Louis. He has most of my attention at this point. We talk for hours throughout the day on phone and through text. We send pictures back and forth. He asks really good questions like: If we were to have a disagreement, would you handle it in public or wait till we get home? Good question. He wants me to send pictures of my home, myself, my hands and feet. He said, this is the only way we have to get to know each other at this distance. It’s fun. Neither of us were planning to start a long distance thing, but chatting turned into more talking and now we bid good morning and good night with many hours logged in between. He is laid back, funny, intelligent. He is 29! I love that! He said that’s what the problem has been ☺ He might be on to something! I look forward to getting to know him and to meeting him next month. I am still unsure if I should believe that he is going to visit. So many have fallen on their word. I don’t know. I”ve been disappointed so many times. I think we will know if we are worth pursuing after we meet. Meanwhile, we ask obscure questions like –do you like chocolate? Do you like salads? Where do you like to travel? How many children do you want? What would you think if you were to get pregnant and we were planning to get married? Do you hold grudges? I’m enjoying this banter.
11:20pm, I was talking and/texting with Angelo all day today. A few things I learned, he is very romantic. He said something about bath time or shower time. He loved the idea of my book and was excited about me getting my PhD. Said it would better me and us. Talked about finding a school in Charlotte. He wants a vacation home in Florida. Rent out for 6 months and live in for 6 months. I swear he is reading my mind. Then, he said he wants a wedding on the beach. I said, did I put that in my profile? I swear we are on the same wave length! He said about 50 people in chairs, he has it planned out at a place in Key West on the beach. Around $5000 and all that. He is planning to visit. I still won’t let myself get too excited till I know he has a ticket. So sad that the others have done this to me, but I can’t be let down again so I will just wait to be excited. He said he’s looking forward to meeting me. He’s the only one who has talked about seeing me and looked for hotel information. That will cost him around $400 to visit me. Amazing! He loves to cook and said we’d cook in most of his time here and go out maybe once. He’s speaking my language! He is wise beyond his years. It seems like we’ve known each other for months. I know I’ve said that before and that was true then as well. There is a comfort and natural flow that is really nice.
6 24 – starting to have big feelings for Angelo. Talked to him a few times today and agreed to work on his resume. When I called tonight, he phone was disconnected. I’m sad cuz I missed him while "Dee" was here visiting. 'E" called tonight – told me to call back. YOU CAN GUESS THE REST….RIGHT he didn’t answer when I called. Then the exted a bit. Said he thought I was busy for the evening. Whatever, he never asked! So, I wonder what is next.
6/29/09
I am getting tired of the single life. Just having to wait for someone else drives me crazy. Takes me back to snow ball skate. Here I am standing on the wall waiting for a boy to pick me. And the go by, smile, blow kisses, pat me on the back, but they still speed by. I’m a little grumpy today because I would love to be spending this gorgeous night with someone. Sogna is good company, but still. A person would be nice. I don’t think it’s even the singleness, it’s the games that I am encountering that I didn’t expect nor prepare for. People seem interested, then drop off. The ones I want to see are far away. Right now, Tony is ‘planning’ to visit. I just don’t believe it. He was the one who planned it and looked up the tickets and stuff. I’m afraid he is just shitting me like others have. Emmett is constantly saying he wants to see me and spend time with me. Then…nothing. Just words. I don’t want to become hardened, but I can see how that could happen. So, I’m calming the fuck down. Letting the wave pick back up again and let them contact me! It’s hard cuz I am so used to saying what I’m thinking and letting them know when I’m thinking about them or want to spend time with them. I think I am just too much for these men. Perhaps I’m too real. Perhaps I’m too educated. Perhaps I’m too sweet. Perhaps I am too direct. But I am just me. And so I wait. For the one who adores me. That is what I deserve and that is all I will accept.
7/13, I have been online or on the phone all day! Looking forward to seeing Angelo next Wednesday. He is coming from St. Louis and seems to be looking forward to it as well. I have a date Friday with a local guy, one of the few who doesn’t seem like a freak! Demont – we’re meeting for lunch. "E" was supposed to come over for dinner tonight…of course he didn’t come or call. Now it is just fun counting how many times he has stood me up! I think we are up to….drum roll please….6! WOW – what a winner?! I know he is depressed with the job stuff but shit, call or something! Damn, I am worth a phone call!
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Eyes Wide Shut
Be my eyes, Help me see the world and all that is. Darkness was all he knew. We sat across from one another our coffee cups the only interruption. I wondered, will he ever know what I look like? Will we gaze into each other's eyes? Will I ever see the window into his soul? Open your eyes, my love...OPEN YOUR DAMN EYES! This man was not blind, he just held the majority of our conversation with his eyes closed. He wanted to meet with me before the big game. We met a Panera. I arrived early and bought a coffee, he came in and sat across from me. We began our introductions and small talk and I noticed that his eyes were closed. Like one of the baby dolls who's eyes opened when they were upright and closed when they were horizontal. He talked, and talked, and talked with his eyes shut. My first thought was "I don't trust anyone who talks to me with his eyes closed." Once in a while, he opened them and then closed them again - and no, he wasn't high. I thought, I should sneak out, he probably wouldn't even notice for a good ten minutes. I wonder if he could even tell anyone what I look like. I wanted to ask, "When you think of me, what do you picture? Is it like a black screen because that's what you saw behind your eyelids?" The date was sub par at best. I have no interest in going out with him again. I try not to be shallow, but when a person is not as attractive as they have made themselves out to be, has no job or home of their own, and then does something strange like have a conversation with me yet without me, it becomes difficult. So I will move on... READER... ARE YOU THERE.. Hello...is anyone there? Anyone? It's so dark...
Monday, February 8, 2010
Bring It or Get that Shit Outta Here!
People question me about being too picky on my dating journey. They seem to think it is easy to be single these days and that I should have my pick of outstanding available men. I have pulled a sample of messages that made me say WHAT THE FUCK?! Bring it or git that shit outta here!
*HI MISS LADY YOU LOOK LIKE YOUR POSITIVE BOUTED BOUTED I'M FROM GA. HERE IN MI. LOOKING FOR YOU SO WHATS UP HIT ME BACK SO I CAN GIVE YOU THOSE DIGITS! SO WE CAN GET WITH IT!
*Mzjj,
I'll stop (contacting you) only if you want me to. Other than that, what's wrong w/ giving ya boy a holla...I mean I'm new to this internet thang, & I see something I like & I'm on the prowl grrrr...lol! so drop me a msg, let me know how ya feel & we can go from there...Peace
Ty
* hey love im 5'11 brown skin wavey hair hazel green eyes plus im black cuban and jamaican and i grad from U of I and this is my 3rd year of med-school and im a Q omega 4 life lol.. but i have 5 brothers and 6 sisters and no kids plus my own house but on the real im just looking 4 a women i can grow with and spill my heart to and vice vearsa so u feeling me like im digging u holla back love
*Amazing nubian goddess...wow...beautiful smile too...;)
*U R Breathtaking...
would u like to see Mariah carey on 1-25-10 7:30pm at the Fox theatre-$100
$100.00 seats
*hello sweetheart i just want 2 know if i give you me number will
you call just looken 4 a good friend ?
* Hey there how are you? I was just wondering if i could ask you a question
i was just wondering if you would ever let a man pamper your feet?
*Well sweetie, That is a picture of me... I do have a picture of my face on another page... however I don't want family members, co-workers, friends, church members etc.... stumbling upon my page and finding out abot my health issues and the fact that my dick doesn't work... By the way, you might want to be a little less shallow, then perhaps a REAL man will take you seriously. That might be helpful in your future correspondence as it relates to kissing frogs trying to find a prince.. Just thought you should know
Take care,
Brian
*Just got an email from a 53 year old saying…with those breasts, can I be your next 10 babies.
I responded, That is no way for an old man to talk to this lady – Good day!
*HI MISS LADY YOU LOOK LIKE YOUR POSITIVE BOUTED BOUTED I'M FROM GA. HERE IN MI. LOOKING FOR YOU SO WHATS UP HIT ME BACK SO I CAN GIVE YOU THOSE DIGITS! SO WE CAN GET WITH IT!
*Mzjj,
I'll stop (contacting you) only if you want me to. Other than that, what's wrong w/ giving ya boy a holla...I mean I'm new to this internet thang, & I see something I like & I'm on the prowl grrrr...lol! so drop me a msg, let me know how ya feel & we can go from there...Peace
Ty
* hey love im 5'11 brown skin wavey hair hazel green eyes plus im black cuban and jamaican and i grad from U of I and this is my 3rd year of med-school and im a Q omega 4 life lol.. but i have 5 brothers and 6 sisters and no kids plus my own house but on the real im just looking 4 a women i can grow with and spill my heart to and vice vearsa so u feeling me like im digging u holla back love
*Amazing nubian goddess...wow...beautiful smile too...;)
*U R Breathtaking...
would u like to see Mariah carey on 1-25-10 7:30pm at the Fox theatre-$100
$100.00 seats
*hello sweetheart i just want 2 know if i give you me number will
you call just looken 4 a good friend ?
* Hey there how are you? I was just wondering if i could ask you a question
i was just wondering if you would ever let a man pamper your feet?
*Well sweetie, That is a picture of me... I do have a picture of my face on another page... however I don't want family members, co-workers, friends, church members etc.... stumbling upon my page and finding out abot my health issues and the fact that my dick doesn't work... By the way, you might want to be a little less shallow, then perhaps a REAL man will take you seriously. That might be helpful in your future correspondence as it relates to kissing frogs trying to find a prince.. Just thought you should know
Take care,
Brian
*Just got an email from a 53 year old saying…with those breasts, can I be your next 10 babies.
I responded, That is no way for an old man to talk to this lady – Good day!
Friday, February 5, 2010
Who will be my Valentine
I sit on my couch this morning, space heater running, coffee cup empty, my dog is chewing on a pig's ear. I'm feeling more emotional than I'd like to be and I'm wondering why. I have been thinking about Valentines Day for the last week or so. It's next Sunday. This will be the second year in a row that I didn't have anyone to spend it with and forever since I've actually enjoyed the day. Now, I realize that most people poo poo Valentines Day and call it a Hallmark holiday or whatever. Either way, it happens to be one of my favorite dates on the calendar. Being the hopeful romantic that I am, I get excited and wrapped up in the day that is set aside strictly for love. The stories you've been reading make for a good book, but also for a lonely heart. Once in a while i get tired of being alone and can't figure it out. That's what's happening today. It doesn't really make sense because I have good people around me. I just want to be able to call one person to hang with or one person to have dinner with or one person to look forward to spending time with at the end of the day. The cycle continues. The ones that I want don't want me. The ones who want me - I don't want. And in the case where there is mutual affinity, they are not available to me. I look at the people I talk to on a daily basis. Not one of them has stepped up to the plat or said they want to pursue a relationship with me. Again, I am enjoying where I am in my life, but it is so nice to be wanted. This dating thing is hard work. It takes time, effort, and a sense of humor. It's just that today, I'm not laughing. I present my strong woman personae to the world, but to you, I know I can be just me. So here I am, feeling unwanted and unloved and it feels shitty. I don't want to be just friends or friends with benefits. I heard that there are men who plan things for their woman. Not just for a special day, but just because they love her. They take her out, buy gifts, plan weekend getaways, and invest in the relationship. As I sit here today, I am reminded that I have never had that. Ever! And, now that I know that these men exist, I ask myself why. Why is it that the men who have chosen me did not treat me this way? Why is it that no one wants to take a chance with me? How is it that I teach relationship development and maintenance and cannot answer when people ask "How is it that you are still single?" My answer has been and will be, "Because no one has asked me not to be." A friend asked me if I'd ever had a good Valentine's Day. Yes, I did, 19...94 I think it was. I have yet to enjoy a good, healthy relationship. I know it's possible and I would choose it over being Ms Independent any day. Until then, I sit, I wonder, I shed a few tears. Then I play some music, dance around the house and be thankful that these deep thoughts only reveal themselves once in a blue moon. Who knows, maybe February 14, 2011 will be a better day.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Paranoid guy, Stuges, and a second day propsal!
I found this journal entry from last fall. I realize that you have read a bit about the paranoid guy, but I found this entry to be entertaining. Enjoy!
Well, this is not getting any easier. Today I had lunch with DeMonte of Detroit. We had a nice lunch, but one thing was different about me…I was quiet. Not a good sign. It was excruciating! I could barely last 2 hours. A few things added to this date being the beginning of the end. He is very paranoid. Kept looking behind him and turning around with a disgusted look on his face. Shaking his head he said, well, you can’t help what other people say about you. Everyone has their own opinion. I’m thinking…what the fuck! No one is in the booth behind us and no one is talking about you! Then, a man across the room laughed boisterously. He took that personally. I thought it was because we were in Plymouth before and perhaps he was not used to the white folks…but we were in Southfield now! I realized, I was not trying to get to know him. He was asking all of the questions and I gave the shortest answers possible. I wanted to like him, really I did. He called and texted often, but not too often. He paid for lunch both times. I didn’t like that we had to meet in the afternoon for our dates. I didn’t like his tipping percentage. Today, he started laughing a bit and I asked what he was laughing at. He said, he and his little brother were watching tv, the three stuges! And went on to explain in painful detail about how Curly had to appear before a judge and went back and forth between taking his hat off and raising his right hand. He explained that the judge told Curly to take his hat off, so he did. Then the judge said to raise his right hand, so he put his hat on to raise his hand. So forth and so on… Where the hell did this come from?! He was just sitting there snickering about this! I said, how old is your brother? He said 25. I let him go tonight. A text that said, I do not see things working out between us. I wish you all the best. He responded thanking me for my honesty and returned my wishes. Wow! Nice guy, just different place than where I am or where I want to be.
Mateen, after the second conversation wants to marry me. Today he said he wanted to visit. After talking, I realized that he thinks we are dating seriously. I said, just to let you know, I am talking to a couple other people. He asked, well, am I ranked number 1 among those? I said, I don’t know you as well as I would need to in order to rank you at all. I had to be stern about this with him. We have talked for 4 days and I am afraid that you see your visit as a result to our dating, I see it as a necessary step. When we talked later, he apologized for his attitude. He said, you have every right to talk to as many people as you need to and I had no right to have an attitude about that. Well, nicely done! I said we should put off the visit until we have talked more. He agreed. Something else that bothers me about him..every time we talk, he ask s if I missed him or if I have thought about him. Not really! I don’t like that question. There is no good answer for that! So that was all in a days work – break two hearts! Well, broke one and bruised one.
Well, this is not getting any easier. Today I had lunch with DeMonte of Detroit. We had a nice lunch, but one thing was different about me…I was quiet. Not a good sign. It was excruciating! I could barely last 2 hours. A few things added to this date being the beginning of the end. He is very paranoid. Kept looking behind him and turning around with a disgusted look on his face. Shaking his head he said, well, you can’t help what other people say about you. Everyone has their own opinion. I’m thinking…what the fuck! No one is in the booth behind us and no one is talking about you! Then, a man across the room laughed boisterously. He took that personally. I thought it was because we were in Plymouth before and perhaps he was not used to the white folks…but we were in Southfield now! I realized, I was not trying to get to know him. He was asking all of the questions and I gave the shortest answers possible. I wanted to like him, really I did. He called and texted often, but not too often. He paid for lunch both times. I didn’t like that we had to meet in the afternoon for our dates. I didn’t like his tipping percentage. Today, he started laughing a bit and I asked what he was laughing at. He said, he and his little brother were watching tv, the three stuges! And went on to explain in painful detail about how Curly had to appear before a judge and went back and forth between taking his hat off and raising his right hand. He explained that the judge told Curly to take his hat off, so he did. Then the judge said to raise his right hand, so he put his hat on to raise his hand. So forth and so on… Where the hell did this come from?! He was just sitting there snickering about this! I said, how old is your brother? He said 25. I let him go tonight. A text that said, I do not see things working out between us. I wish you all the best. He responded thanking me for my honesty and returned my wishes. Wow! Nice guy, just different place than where I am or where I want to be.
Mateen, after the second conversation wants to marry me. Today he said he wanted to visit. After talking, I realized that he thinks we are dating seriously. I said, just to let you know, I am talking to a couple other people. He asked, well, am I ranked number 1 among those? I said, I don’t know you as well as I would need to in order to rank you at all. I had to be stern about this with him. We have talked for 4 days and I am afraid that you see your visit as a result to our dating, I see it as a necessary step. When we talked later, he apologized for his attitude. He said, you have every right to talk to as many people as you need to and I had no right to have an attitude about that. Well, nicely done! I said we should put off the visit until we have talked more. He agreed. Something else that bothers me about him..every time we talk, he ask s if I missed him or if I have thought about him. Not really! I don’t like that question. There is no good answer for that! So that was all in a days work – break two hearts! Well, broke one and bruised one.
At Arm's Length - anger, cuddles, commitment
September 12, 2009
Isaiah seemed like a really nice guy. Were going to meet in my area with no expectations or false ‘relationship’ issues. The first couple times we talked it was so fun, we laughed and flirted. Then it seemed that each time I called he was ‘driving’ and couldn’t talk, or getting in to the shower, or eating. One excuse after the other. There were weeks that went by without me hearing from him. Then I would say something about not hearing from him and he’d say, well, you could call! A little switch-a-roo I see!
One fall afternoon, he called from Florida. Said he was with someone, but not WITH someone. He was about to get on a ride at Disney and would call me back. Weeks went by without me getting that call – must have been a long ass ride! When he did call, he kept asking me if I had gotten married since he hadn’t heard from me in a while. After time and time again of answering that question – I think he was sending a mass text out – I answered in a way he did not appreciate. A couple weeks went by and he texted that a phone call would be nice…Here is the text exchange – the final on 8/19
Isa – Hey stranger, u get married?
M – Yep!
Isa – Stop playing games
M – I’m deleting your information, I suggest you do the same with mine!
Isa – Go to hell
M – see ya there
Isa – If u wasn’t interested u shoulda said so. Stupid
M – If you were interested you wouldn’t resort to elementary insults. How sophomoric. Goodbye
Isa – whateva u never called Ur a joke
That was the end of our lovely romance! I laughed my ass off. He called ME stupid. I think he has no job and lives with his mama – poor excuse for a man. Five months later, I received a call from him. He said, “You are in New Jersey, right?” I clarified that I was in Michigan. He had no clue why we were no longer talking. I texted him the above conversation between us. He was astonished that I would accuse him of saying such things. Eventually, he believed me and apologized. My last words to him were “I forgive you.”
It is interesting that it feels like I’m breaking up with someone whom I’ve never met and have hardly talked too. There is still the connection and relationship that is started even though so much of it is mental and a false sense of reality. There are a couple such cases where it was hard for me to ‘break up’ and it doesn’t make much sense really.
One was a guy named Steve – in my phone he was Steve G Online. This meant that we were close enough for me to list his last name, but still wanted to be alerted that we met online. Steve and I hit it off from the start. We had good conversation that wove well together. I was interested in meeting him. Steve’s problem was that he was way too interested way too soon. He came across as being desperate. It is such a delicate balance. Be Interested, but not too interested. Contact me enough, but not too much. I ‘broke up’ with him earlier this year about 3 months ago because he was way too interested and I was not there. I think I liked him because he’s the teddy bear type. I don’t think I was romantically interested in him, just a good friend. He was not feeling the same way, so I had to back off. During a moment of loneliness, I IMed him on yahoo.l We chatted for a while and decided to meet after all. I asked him if he had talked with any other women since we last talked. He said ‘No I was waiting for you’. OMG! That’s not a good sign since I’d seen plenty of men since then! We tried scheduling a meeting time. I had some time and he had to work. Then he had time and I had to work. And once I had to see my #1 favorite guy - T. I told Steve I wouldn’t be able to see him till October (we were in August at the time) . He said, ‘you’re worth the wait’ YUCK! That is just too much and makes me think it is only words. So, he didn’t say much the week in September when I was in Florida. I texted him that I had met someone and I wanted to see where it went. I felt bad because I know I used him for attention that I wasn’t getting from my other guys on the list at that time. But that is the beauty of online dating, No love lost. No real connection because I can write everything off as not being real. ‘Well, it’s not like we met and hung out…” But still, I know I’m hurting feelings. About a week later, he texted me and asked, “So you contacted me to tell me that you were interested in someone else?!” Then he apologized for reacting that way. When it gets to be too much whining, I look for the nearest exit. There have been at least two times when I told a man that he sounded like a little P#$%y Ass Bitch. Now, I know that if I say those words to a man, there is no future in sight for us. That means there is no respect for him as a man at all. This response usually followed whining sessions that included phrases like, “I thought you were going to call me… I was waiting to hear from you… I guess you don’t like me any more… whaa whaaa whaaaa.” One man actually told me to tell him to MAN UP! Well hell, if you already know you need to, then do it dammit! These are the ones that give the good men a bad name.
Isaiah seemed like a really nice guy. Were going to meet in my area with no expectations or false ‘relationship’ issues. The first couple times we talked it was so fun, we laughed and flirted. Then it seemed that each time I called he was ‘driving’ and couldn’t talk, or getting in to the shower, or eating. One excuse after the other. There were weeks that went by without me hearing from him. Then I would say something about not hearing from him and he’d say, well, you could call! A little switch-a-roo I see!
One fall afternoon, he called from Florida. Said he was with someone, but not WITH someone. He was about to get on a ride at Disney and would call me back. Weeks went by without me getting that call – must have been a long ass ride! When he did call, he kept asking me if I had gotten married since he hadn’t heard from me in a while. After time and time again of answering that question – I think he was sending a mass text out – I answered in a way he did not appreciate. A couple weeks went by and he texted that a phone call would be nice…Here is the text exchange – the final on 8/19
Isa – Hey stranger, u get married?
M – Yep!
Isa – Stop playing games
M – I’m deleting your information, I suggest you do the same with mine!
Isa – Go to hell
M – see ya there
Isa – If u wasn’t interested u shoulda said so. Stupid
M – If you were interested you wouldn’t resort to elementary insults. How sophomoric. Goodbye
Isa – whateva u never called Ur a joke
That was the end of our lovely romance! I laughed my ass off. He called ME stupid. I think he has no job and lives with his mama – poor excuse for a man. Five months later, I received a call from him. He said, “You are in New Jersey, right?” I clarified that I was in Michigan. He had no clue why we were no longer talking. I texted him the above conversation between us. He was astonished that I would accuse him of saying such things. Eventually, he believed me and apologized. My last words to him were “I forgive you.”
It is interesting that it feels like I’m breaking up with someone whom I’ve never met and have hardly talked too. There is still the connection and relationship that is started even though so much of it is mental and a false sense of reality. There are a couple such cases where it was hard for me to ‘break up’ and it doesn’t make much sense really.
One was a guy named Steve – in my phone he was Steve G Online. This meant that we were close enough for me to list his last name, but still wanted to be alerted that we met online. Steve and I hit it off from the start. We had good conversation that wove well together. I was interested in meeting him. Steve’s problem was that he was way too interested way too soon. He came across as being desperate. It is such a delicate balance. Be Interested, but not too interested. Contact me enough, but not too much. I ‘broke up’ with him earlier this year about 3 months ago because he was way too interested and I was not there. I think I liked him because he’s the teddy bear type. I don’t think I was romantically interested in him, just a good friend. He was not feeling the same way, so I had to back off. During a moment of loneliness, I IMed him on yahoo.l We chatted for a while and decided to meet after all. I asked him if he had talked with any other women since we last talked. He said ‘No I was waiting for you’. OMG! That’s not a good sign since I’d seen plenty of men since then! We tried scheduling a meeting time. I had some time and he had to work. Then he had time and I had to work. And once I had to see my #1 favorite guy - T. I told Steve I wouldn’t be able to see him till October (we were in August at the time) . He said, ‘you’re worth the wait’ YUCK! That is just too much and makes me think it is only words. So, he didn’t say much the week in September when I was in Florida. I texted him that I had met someone and I wanted to see where it went. I felt bad because I know I used him for attention that I wasn’t getting from my other guys on the list at that time. But that is the beauty of online dating, No love lost. No real connection because I can write everything off as not being real. ‘Well, it’s not like we met and hung out…” But still, I know I’m hurting feelings. About a week later, he texted me and asked, “So you contacted me to tell me that you were interested in someone else?!” Then he apologized for reacting that way. When it gets to be too much whining, I look for the nearest exit. There have been at least two times when I told a man that he sounded like a little P#$%y Ass Bitch. Now, I know that if I say those words to a man, there is no future in sight for us. That means there is no respect for him as a man at all. This response usually followed whining sessions that included phrases like, “I thought you were going to call me… I was waiting to hear from you… I guess you don’t like me any more… whaa whaaa whaaaa.” One man actually told me to tell him to MAN UP! Well hell, if you already know you need to, then do it dammit! These are the ones that give the good men a bad name.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Booty Call or Prince Charming?
I"ve been talking to this guy for a few days. I have no interest since the first day he asked if I had nice hips. I knew then and there, I was only getting information for the book from that point on. Here is a conversation that transpired today.
R: hey lil lady ~ what are u up 2 ?
J: hey there
i'm at work, what about you
R: i'm chilling
about 2 have some Corn flakes, lol
J: well, good morning!
did you take today off?
R: ha ha ha ~ joy of the self-employed
nope ~ no regular job
J: oh yeah, that's right
R: lost it last year ~ company downsized *sigh* just been working my biz
J: oh, i see
R: ya, just life
so whats good ? when u bringin me them hips ?
J: when i know your last name
R: ha ha ~
Richard Isler ~ and you are?
i aint scurred ~ i aint on now watch lists no where - LOL
lmao
J: crackin yo self up!
R: i have my moments
so what is your last name pretty girl
J: that is my last name! I can't believe you figured it out! most people don't get it on the first try! Jennifer Pretty Girl
R: ah... ok smarty
J: roberts
R: was that so hard?
Geesh, lol
ok so now u know my full name ~ what day ?
J: is that your strange way of asking me out Rich?!
R: i was asking you over ~ was that so strange hunni ? hmmm
J: well yeah, cuz that's not exactly what i'm looking for these days
R: alrighty
J: so you done talking to me?
Lol. Can i ask you a question from a friend perspective?
R: no im here hun
sup ?
J: i don't want to offend you or for you to get defensive, but i want to ask a couple questions just so i know.
if I had said, I would be over tonight, then what?
the begining of a friends with benefits type of thing?
or you just needing some company these days? talk to me about that
R: if you came over tonight that would be nice~ friend with benifits ? hmmm ~ we are both adults if we had sex would be nice, honestly, but not all that i'm about ~ but i am a guy and u are a very attractive lil lady, hopefully we would have something there 2 build on cause i would like one special person in my life in general
mmm as far as just needing company... i'm an attractive guy hunni if i just wanted company i have daily emails from gals that would just like 2 spend time with me...
any other questions ?
J: hmm, well, thank you for that.
i was just thinking that I would probably entertain something like that but only after talking a few times and getting to know you ya know
and i know you are attractive...and thank you for your compliment
So you are looking for a serious relationship and you would see it going that way even after meeting for the first time at your house? Just new to me,that's all
R: i'm not looking for anything ~ makes it easier 2 appreciate when something nice shows up if you dont have all these expectations ~ if we had sex when i saw you it would hopefully mean that we were feeling an attraction for each other... we are adults... whats the difference if we make day one or if we wait 2 weeks ? non in my book ~ we are talking online and getting 2 know each other so not like i met u at the bar and then we got down first time together... people get hung up on shit like that in my opinion ~ if you've dated long enough you know that if all a guy/girl wants is sex they'll just wait you out... period... play the game do the dinners, get the sex and then be gone if thats all he/she wants, so i just keep it real ~ as long as the person i'm with is on the same page with me
J: cool! thank you for your refreshing honesty!
nicely put
R: i'm just me ~ no reason to BS ~ i hate when people play a bunch of games, more then enough people out there not hard 2 find someone that wants the same as you... if i just wanted 2 get laid i wouldn’t be sitting here chatting and gettin 2 know you... not tryin 2 be blunt or anything ~ just being real... i get strange sex offeres and be my baby daddy crap in notes every week - lol... i'm a bit old fashioned in some ways and have this weird thing about actually having 2 be attracted to a know something about the person i sleep with - lol
J: hahahah, that IS old fashioned lol
R: i know right - lol
J: i can see where you're coming from. From my perspective, I wouldn't come to a man's house for the first visit because I'd rather meet in a common area, just for safety sake. For the same reason I wouldn't have a man come to my house without having met him somewhere else first
R: ok ~ i understand ~ i do studio work and i meet people from online at my home regularly because i have a pro-studio i work out of in my home ~ so its no big deal to me i'm used to it ~ but we could meet somewhere for a coffee or something sometime if that’s better 4 you no biggie
JJ
J: That would be great! i'd really like that. I do realize that with your experience, you're used to inviting people over for a bowl of corn flakes and a hug perhaps, that would be the next step. lol
R: yep ~ honestly i dont do much conventional dating but i try 2 be accomodating from time 2 time
J: how kind of you
so... when and where
R: pretty face and nice hips ~ my weakness
ha ha
J: i guess so!
and you haven't even seen the half of it lmao
R: i'm tryin but u wont come over
J: coffee - coffee! Focus!!!
R: blah
lol
brb
And that was the end of the conversation! Let’s go for coffee, but not really. I’d rather you come to my house even though I’ve never met you before or even talked to you on the phone. Stupid ass! I don’t think so!
R: hey lil lady ~ what are u up 2 ?
J: hey there
i'm at work, what about you
R: i'm chilling
about 2 have some Corn flakes, lol
J: well, good morning!
did you take today off?
R: ha ha ha ~ joy of the self-employed
nope ~ no regular job
J: oh yeah, that's right
R: lost it last year ~ company downsized *sigh* just been working my biz
J: oh, i see
R: ya, just life
so whats good ? when u bringin me them hips ?
J: when i know your last name
R: ha ha ~
Richard Isler ~ and you are?
i aint scurred ~ i aint on now watch lists no where - LOL
lmao
J: crackin yo self up!
R: i have my moments
so what is your last name pretty girl
J: that is my last name! I can't believe you figured it out! most people don't get it on the first try! Jennifer Pretty Girl
R: ah... ok smarty
J: roberts
R: was that so hard?
Geesh, lol
ok so now u know my full name ~ what day ?
J: is that your strange way of asking me out Rich?!
R: i was asking you over ~ was that so strange hunni ? hmmm
J: well yeah, cuz that's not exactly what i'm looking for these days
R: alrighty
J: so you done talking to me?
Lol. Can i ask you a question from a friend perspective?
R: no im here hun
sup ?
J: i don't want to offend you or for you to get defensive, but i want to ask a couple questions just so i know.
if I had said, I would be over tonight, then what?
the begining of a friends with benefits type of thing?
or you just needing some company these days? talk to me about that
R: if you came over tonight that would be nice~ friend with benifits ? hmmm ~ we are both adults if we had sex would be nice, honestly, but not all that i'm about ~ but i am a guy and u are a very attractive lil lady, hopefully we would have something there 2 build on cause i would like one special person in my life in general
mmm as far as just needing company... i'm an attractive guy hunni if i just wanted company i have daily emails from gals that would just like 2 spend time with me...
any other questions ?
J: hmm, well, thank you for that.
i was just thinking that I would probably entertain something like that but only after talking a few times and getting to know you ya know
and i know you are attractive...and thank you for your compliment
So you are looking for a serious relationship and you would see it going that way even after meeting for the first time at your house? Just new to me,that's all
R: i'm not looking for anything ~ makes it easier 2 appreciate when something nice shows up if you dont have all these expectations ~ if we had sex when i saw you it would hopefully mean that we were feeling an attraction for each other... we are adults... whats the difference if we make day one or if we wait 2 weeks ? non in my book ~ we are talking online and getting 2 know each other so not like i met u at the bar and then we got down first time together... people get hung up on shit like that in my opinion ~ if you've dated long enough you know that if all a guy/girl wants is sex they'll just wait you out... period... play the game do the dinners, get the sex and then be gone if thats all he/she wants, so i just keep it real ~ as long as the person i'm with is on the same page with me
J: cool! thank you for your refreshing honesty!
nicely put
R: i'm just me ~ no reason to BS ~ i hate when people play a bunch of games, more then enough people out there not hard 2 find someone that wants the same as you... if i just wanted 2 get laid i wouldn’t be sitting here chatting and gettin 2 know you... not tryin 2 be blunt or anything ~ just being real... i get strange sex offeres and be my baby daddy crap in notes every week - lol... i'm a bit old fashioned in some ways and have this weird thing about actually having 2 be attracted to a know something about the person i sleep with - lol
J: hahahah, that IS old fashioned lol
R: i know right - lol
J: i can see where you're coming from. From my perspective, I wouldn't come to a man's house for the first visit because I'd rather meet in a common area, just for safety sake. For the same reason I wouldn't have a man come to my house without having met him somewhere else first
R: ok ~ i understand ~ i do studio work and i meet people from online at my home regularly because i have a pro-studio i work out of in my home ~ so its no big deal to me i'm used to it ~ but we could meet somewhere for a coffee or something sometime if that’s better 4 you no biggie
JJ
J: That would be great! i'd really like that. I do realize that with your experience, you're used to inviting people over for a bowl of corn flakes and a hug perhaps, that would be the next step. lol
R: yep ~ honestly i dont do much conventional dating but i try 2 be accomodating from time 2 time
J: how kind of you
so... when and where
R: pretty face and nice hips ~ my weakness
ha ha
J: i guess so!
and you haven't even seen the half of it lmao
R: i'm tryin but u wont come over
J: coffee - coffee! Focus!!!
R: blah
lol
brb
And that was the end of the conversation! Let’s go for coffee, but not really. I’d rather you come to my house even though I’ve never met you before or even talked to you on the phone. Stupid ass! I don’t think so!
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