It's You... and... It's Me

Something just hit me the other day. It hit me and sat there till it was fully submerged into my psyche. What is the knowledge I have gained? What nugget of information made me say 'Hmm.' After talking with a friend about our past relationships, current situations, sates of mind I learned that I am not alone in the battles and all out war that is: finding a lasting, loving relationship. I had no clue that men were going through the same things as I have been dealing with. I had no idea that some women have fucked up these men as badly as many men have fucked up the women. This is a conversation I have had with quite a few men over the last few months. For every story that I have about a person who stood me up, dated me for a while and then disappeared, made plans to spend forever with me and then changed disgustingly drastically, he had one to match it. On one hand it made me feel so bad for the fellas. I said to myself, 'wow, he is a good guy, just like I am a good woman. He gave 100% just like I gave 100% and it was shit on.. or shat upon - whatever! He feels burned, bruised, and battered just like I did.' And there are more out there! More women who are good, and loving, and giving, educated and lovely women! More men who are good, loving, honorable, fun and manly men. I guess depending on how long ago one's latest burn was, one may be more skeptical of love and the process of falling. I can understand that too! If you have fallen and no has caught you, and each time, you've fallen on your ass, that hurts. But, if you have fallen with someone who was not me, I can't guarantee that the net was as solid as mine is. I am learning that people have to work through their past at their pace. It took me a long time to deal with the bitter and get better. I'm just glad that now I know, it isn't just me. I mean, I hate that my male friends have been hurt so badly by someone who looks like me. It's hard to imagine because I would never treat anyone they way they (or I) have been treated. I hope that before the walls get a final layer of morter and brick the sun will peek through. I hope all who are hurting have cuts that heal, scabs that crust over and fall off, and scars that tell a story of events gone by. I hope they arrive at where I am - maybe even at the same time! Two people, 100% and ready to jump back up on that wire. It's a game of trust really. I trust you not to hurt me like others have. You trust me to handle your heart with care. I promise you this. If you play the 'trust me' game with me and I am the one holding the net, you'll be just fine. Just waiting to get the same offer from another person without bandages.