This is a conversation between Nichole and Me about the whole 'Steve' situation. It was chatting on facebook, so some of the spelling and punctuation is more relaxed than one would expect from two college professors! I was so blessed to have my girlfriends acting as a sounding board and the voice of reason! I do not take them for granted, but instead, thank them for their powerful role in my life. Grab your cup of coffee and listen in to the girl talk.
Jenn
dude, i am so fuckin bitchy right now it's not even funny
8:37pm
Nichole
oh wow
Jenn
and i was outside with sogna for 15 min. begging her in spanish to pee.
i came in, ‘Steve’ had called 4 times
8:37pm
Nichole
oh my god!
8:38pm
Jenn
and then called and said, i was trying to reach you.
i'm like, yeah, i saw that when i came in from taking the dog out for 15 min.
something about that did not sit well and i don't know if it's cuz i'm horny and bitchy and pms ing
8:38pm
Nichole
I don't know.
8:38pm
Jenn
He called at
8:08, 8:08, 8:09, 8:09 damn!
8:38pm
Nichole
That is a cause for concern. Lets think about it. He has had to talk to everyone you know, right?
8:39pm
Jenn
just about, and i met his bf last night, and talked to some people from work
8:39pm
Nichole
possessive
a little
what will it be like when you live there?
8:39pm
Jenn
talk to me girl
8:40pm
Nichole
Will he not be okay with you making your own friends?
Having the same email is just a bit off. I don't know
8:40pm
Jenn
i agree
8:40pm
Nichole
It's not like you would hide anything
it's just you need to remain your own self, you know
8:40pm
Jenn
and we were talking about getting a joint phone plan - it would save me $70/month
8:41pm
Nichole
Has he ever been cheated on?
8:41pm
Jenn
but it would also give record of phone calls in and out
yes, he has been cheated on and has spent thousands on a woman who took advantage of him - kinda like me
8:41pm
Nichole
so he would know exactly who you are talking to on the phone
exactly who you are in contact with through email
8:41pm
Jenn
right
8:42pm
Nichole
is there any privacy?
8:42pm
Jenn
right
8:42pm
Nichole
I would voice your concern about that
8:42pm
Jenn
and i don't think i could mention any male that i talked to
8:42pm
Nichole
especially since everything has been moving pretty quickly
8:42pm
Jenn
right
You think I should mention to him that i think it's moving too fast?
you think i should wait till i get there
8:43pm
Nichole
Well, I think you should voice your concerns about the fact that he has trust issues. You shouldn't put it that way, but…
8:44pm
Nichole
You should have your own phone and email.
8:44pm
Jenn
He said he just needs to be reassured that i am not going to cheat on him
8:44pm
Nichole
that is not your job is it?
8:44pm
Jenn
No
8:44pm
Nichole
what more could you do?
8:45pm
Jenn
right, i find myself convincing him daily that i am not doing anything and that no one is talking to me.
8:45pm
Nichole
What would you do that would cause him to be concerned?
8:45pm
Nichole
seems a bit too much. Just listen to your gut
8:45pm
Jenn
yeah, you're right. The gut is changing as of today.
i haven't talked to him but a few minutes all day
he said he'd call when he woke up - his day off, he called around 3:30
i called after work at 5, left message
he called at 5;40 and said i thought you would call after work
i feel like i am defensive at least once a day
i did call you.. bla bla
and the thing yesterday morning when he was mad that i was upset about sogna - said that he had something going on to talk about to
8:47pm
Nichole
what do you mean?
8:48pm
Jenn
about yesterday?
8:48pm
Nichole
yeah
what did he want to talk about
8:48pm
Jenn
i was upset because of Sogna and when he called, i told him that i was frustrated
he never told me, just said, it's just that i had something i needed to talk to you about too, but you were so upset i didn't
said, i should talk to him when i need support, not when i'm upset like that
or something to that affect -I corrected him on that one
8:50pm
Nichole
don't you need support when you are upset like that? what's the difference?
8:50pm
Jenn
he said he's concerned with the disagreements we've had, too many too soon. I thought it was normal for the distance thing. its good to see how we handlt that
yeah, i don't know about all that. That's the second time this week i said something in the morning that ticked him off and we sat in silence for 5 min. for real
first i asked about his X. how long it's been since break up
he got really defensive and said he didn't want to talk about deep stuff in the morning
it should be the time to talk about us, a new day all that
8:51pm
Nichole
yeah, you told me that. Have you asked about his X since?
8:51pm
Jenn
nope
8:51pm
Nichole
hmmmm
8:51pm
Jenn
i think he told me before that it was 3 years ago
but not since i asked the other day
8:52pm
Nichole
any other relationship since then
8:52pm
Jenn
he had brought up another X which i never ever do and so I asked about that one. He got on the defense
i don't know about relationships since then, i think it's been dating but not serious
8:52pm
Nichole
Bottom line
He needs to learn to trust you
he can only do that if you stay like you are...have separate accounts....and learn about one another, naturally
8:53pm
Jenn
goodness, when the flags come in, they come in strong
8:58pm
Nichole
ha!
the blinders come off
8:58pm
Jenn
yeah, but i still feel ok about it all
just maybe not making plans to move there and stuff yet
8:59pm
Nichole
sounds like the right thing
you obviously don't want to rush something as important as that
8:59pm
Jenn
True. I get caught up don't i damn!
8:59pm
Nichole
got me fired up too
8:59pm
Jenn
like, why is it he has talked to mom 2 or 3 times and dad only once
i told him i won't do anything without their blessing
9:00pm
Nichole
interesting
good for you
9:00pm
Jenn
so i would tell dad to tell him we had to wait till next year! lmao
hahahahaha
he totally would say it too
9:00pm
Nichole
good one!
if that is what you need...dad is always there for his little girl!
9:01pm
Jenn
he has called three times to talk for less than a minute
i am getting my hair cut, i'll call you when i get out of the chair
i'm at son's basketball game, i'll call you when it's done
just now, i'm at wendy's having dinner with him, i'll call you when done
so all conversations today have been about a minute
but if that were me?! he'd swear i was with someone
9:02pm
Nichole
Are you calling him
9:02pm
Jenn
nope
he called me each time
9:03pm
Nichole
Weird!!! not normal
9:03pm
Jenn
it's like, dude, just call when you can talk
9:03pm
Nichole
big flag
9:03pm
Jenn
don't call to say you can't talk
you think so?
tell me more
9:03pm
Nichole
are you kidding?
what more do you need that that!
ha
Keep track and remember these times
just to keep it all in perspective
9:04pm
Jenn
red flag? cuz i would call to say, hey i'm at bla bla will call in bit
9:04pm
Nichole
wait? We both agree it's strange that he keeps calling to "not talk" right
9:04pm
Jenn
so, i think it's strange that on this day off we have not talked more than a few minutes over the last 4 hours
after talking for 8-12 hours every other day
9:06pm
Nichole
yeah.
9:06pm
Jenn
and....he seems to take credit for different parts of my personality
like he made me confident and stuff
9:06pm
Nichole
what!
did he say that?
9:07pm
Jenn
i said i had a fun class, he said, yeah, thanks to me you're a happy teacher or something like that
9:07pm
Nichole
He has no idea what has been keeping you happy!!!!! ha ha ha
9:07pm
Jenn
or i'll say something and he thinks because I am clear and argue with him that it's because he has made me feel that way
9:07pm
Nichole
before him I mean!
9:07pm
Jenn
part of that is true, but the other part is that he has caught me at a good point in my life
9:08pm
Nichole
very true
9:08pm
Nichole
you need to remember the way you are feeling right now
9:16pm
Jenn
i'm not up in arms or anything, it's kinda like, level headed
i really have been feeling - if it is meant to be, it will be. Not stressing like i used to. Such a good feeling!
9:17pm
Nichole
Good
Later that day. Interesting conversation. One I will hold on to and read again. I can’t help feeling I am being swept away willingly. As strong as I feel and act, I still don’t take my own advice so often. Wow, this was very telling, I didn’t know there were that many things I was concerned with. So, I think the major issue is trust. And just slowing things down a bit. I think the pace is starting to concern me. So I’ll have to voice that in the future.
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